HP7 Spoilers

[active_apathy]

Shock! Horror! I update!

Following my previous update, there was a comment thread about HP7. In that thread there was discussion of pretendy spoilers for HP7, such as "River kills Voldemort with her brain."

This led to princesslaurene making an icon, which looked pretty much exactly like this:



So! Your mission, which I've chosen for you to accept: to make up, in the comments here, more pretendy spoilers that can be used for the making of iconses.

Go forth, one and all, and be spoilerish. It'll be fun. Promise.

Individual results may vary. Pretendy spoilers may not contain actual fun. Comment page may not be available in all locations. If symptoms persist, TMI entries are always an option. Fine print may not contain actual disclaimers.

Comments

[laurenmitchell.livejournal.com]

I'm up to three so far...

[lackofmendacity.livejournal.com]

Ahahaha, your icon is seven kinds of awesome! :D

[photosinensis.livejournal.com]

Harry dies. Page 556, totally true.

[active-apathy.livejournal.com]

We're more after crossover pretend-spoilers, I think.

[daphyn.livejournal.com]

My boyfriend says Harry could have killed Voldemort, if he'd had any grenades.

And Daphyn's contribution!

The Death Eaters realize that Voldemort's an asshat and convert into a song-and-dance troupe. They are an overnight success.

[active-apathy.livejournal.com]

It's still weird when you say things like that. Odd, too, and possibly strange. :)

*ponders* A sellout Death Eater production of Wicked, perhaps? Or Spamalot?

[tears-of-nienna.livejournal.com]

Rosebud is a horcrux.

Hell, for that matter--Snape kills Trinity with Rosebud.

And finally, Voldemort is made of chocolate.

[active-apathy.livejournal.com]

Hee. Citizen Kane went untouched for about five minutes. :)

[maggiebloome.livejournal.com]

Peter explodes.

[active-apathy.livejournal.com]

That's a little too Heroes, I think.

[maggiebloome.livejournal.com]

Also, Buffy shows up and stakes Voldemort through the heart. Surprisingly, this works. Everyone looks sheepish.

[phorie.livejournal.com]

...and then Ron stabs the heart, and becomes Captain of the Flying Dutchman.

[laurenmitchell.livejournal.com]

*sporfles*

I love it!

[active-apathy.livejournal.com]

Ooh... that works.

[captainsblog.livejournal.com]

The boats carrying the first-years sink.

Polyjuice potion is made of people.

Hermione's a guy.

And you'll understand this one in a year or so: the last sentence of the book, uttered at the bottom of page 607 (of the Bloomsbury edition) as Harry sits at a table in a Hogsmeade diner, playing a power ballad by Wicked Sisters on the jukebox as the members of his inner circle come to table, one by one. Ron arrives and says,
"Blimey, Harry, it's disappeared!"
"What has?"
"Your SCAR!"

Page 608 is blank.

[laurenmitchell.livejournal.com]

I especially like your Polyjuice one.

[ohmysyzygy.livejournal.com]

voldemort is his father.
harry is actually a ghost.
harry potter isn't real.
hogwarts is part of a modern nature reserve.
his friends are all a part of his beautiful mind.
rosebud was the name of his broom.

kudos to threadless.com for the "spoilt" t-shirt, and to a university education teaching the subtleties of plagiarsim.

[crackedwraith.livejournal.com]

Bellatrix's throat is ripped out by Aslan.

[active-apathy.livejournal.com]

Aslan it is!

[selenitia.livejournal.com]

Haruka Tenou/Sailor Uranus is invited to be the defense teacher to teach the fine arts of practical defense (and slicing things with swords). Usagi Tsukino/Sailor Moon invites herself over to help with magical defense and it turns out Mamoru Chiba/Tuxedo Kamen's really Voldemort in disguise and Haruka, enraged by her princess's betrayal, takes a great deal of joy in killing him over and over again until the Gryffindor Trio have found and destroyed the rest of the Horcruxes.

Haruka and Usagi get married.

[palmer-kun.livejournal.com]

Harry eats a questionable looking meat pie, and promptly cuts his own throat.

[eibii.livejournal.com]

That one took a minute, but *snrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrk*.

[canadianevil.livejournal.com]

Harry drops the last horcrux into Mount Doom and watches as Voldemort expands, contracts, and explodes.

[laurenmitchell.livejournal.com]

It turns out that Nearly Headless Nick was a ghost all along!

...oh, wait.

[active-apathy.livejournal.com]

If you ask me, Hogwarts has always been far too complacent about ghosts.

[herekittykitty.livejournal.com]

Dumbledore didn't die. He regenerated.

[active-apathy.livejournal.com]

When I get home (and therefore have my Photoshop back), that might turn into something like "Apparently, the TARDIS can apparate inside Hogwarts."

Hope this doesn't sound completely crackified...

[no2no3no4no1no5.livejournal.com]

It's a cookbook! A COOKBOOK!

[eibii.livejournal.com]

All the portraits in the hallways are replaced with magical cat macros, thusly making the Gryffindor password "CHEEZBURGER".

[active-apathy.livejournal.com]

I has no self-controlz.

Harry is a Muggle

[(Anonymous)]

Harry is only using Voldemorts power as a horcrux. He has NO power of his own!

Re: Harry is a Muggle

[(Anonymous)]

Mad Eye Moody dies on age 78.