HP7 Spoilers

[active_apathy]

Shock! Horror! I update!

Following my previous update, there was a comment thread about HP7. In that thread there was discussion of pretendy spoilers for HP7, such as "River kills Voldemort with her brain."

This led to princesslaurene making an icon, which looked pretty much exactly like this:



So! Your mission, which I've chosen for you to accept: to make up, in the comments here, more pretendy spoilers that can be used for the making of iconses.

Go forth, one and all, and be spoilerish. It'll be fun. Promise.

Individual results may vary. Pretendy spoilers may not contain actual fun. Comment page may not be available in all locations. If symptoms persist, TMI entries are always an option. Fine print may not contain actual disclaimers.

Comments

[laurenmitchell.livejournal.com]

I'm up to three so far...

[lackofmendacity.livejournal.com]

Ahahaha, your icon is seven kinds of awesome! :D

[photosinensis.livejournal.com]

Harry dies. Page 556, totally true.

[laurenmitchell.livejournal.com]

Why, thank you!

[lackofmendacity.livejournal.com]

*snickers*

Damn, I was hoping for some incest. ;p

[laurenmitchell.livejournal.com]

Well, what about the part where it turns out that Hermione is actually Harry's twin sister, and that Lily and James never died; Voldemort's Avada Kedavra failed, but it Obliviated their memories so that they forgot about their magical lives and Harry and moved away from Godric's Hollow, taking baby Hermione with them. All these years later, none of them know the truth; it's not until Sirius comes back from the dead and reveals the truth that Harry and Hermione realise that their secret relationship is, in fact, incest...

I've even updated the icon to match. Ye gods.

[lackofmendacity.livejournal.com]

Err... 0_o

Ewwww... het. :P

Ahahaha, yay for cracky love! *glomps*

[laurenmitchell.livejournal.com]

:-D

Oh, well, if it's slash you're after, you'll love the scenes in chapters three to eighteen inclusive, although you may start wondering why anyone, particularly Goyle, would think it was a good idea to do that with a pineapple.

Some interesting uses of Levicorpus, though.

[lackofmendacity.livejournal.com]

Err, but pineapples are, umm, pointy... and sharp... and, ooh, smut bunny! :D

Wow, fifteen chapters of slashy love. *swoons*

Heheh, thanks for all the giggles, sweetie. ♥cuddles♥

[laurenmitchell.livejournal.com]

Smut bunnies are good.

I'm glad I made you laugh. *hugs*

[active-apathy.livejournal.com]

We're more after crossover pretend-spoilers, I think.

[daphyn.livejournal.com]

My boyfriend says Harry could have killed Voldemort, if he'd had any grenades.

And Daphyn's contribution!

The Death Eaters realize that Voldemort's an asshat and convert into a song-and-dance troupe. They are an overnight success.

[tears-of-nienna.livejournal.com]

Rosebud is a horcrux.

Hell, for that matter--Snape kills Trinity with Rosebud.

And finally, Voldemort is made of chocolate.

[active-apathy.livejournal.com]

Hee. Citizen Kane went untouched for about five minutes. :)

[active-apathy.livejournal.com]

It's still weird when you say things like that. Odd, too, and possibly strange. :)

*ponders* A sellout Death Eater production of Wicked, perhaps? Or Spamalot?

[daphyn.livejournal.com]

Lucius Malfoy playing Galinda... or possibly Lancelot...

[photosinensis.livejournal.com]

Oh. In that case.

Snape and Samuel L. Jackson are stuck on a plane together. The predictable ensues.

[maggiebloome.livejournal.com]

Peter explodes.

[tears-of-nienna.livejournal.com]

Dur, I probably should have checked the original link before I went all "River's made of chocolate, lol." ;)

Also, after River kills Voldemort with her brain, Sylar shows up and eats it. True facts.

[maggiebloome.livejournal.com]

Also, Buffy shows up and stakes Voldemort through the heart. Surprisingly, this works. Everyone looks sheepish.

[tears-of-nienna.livejournal.com]

Also Harry is the Kwisatz Haderach.

[phorie.livejournal.com]

...and then Ron stabs the heart, and becomes Captain of the Flying Dutchman.

[captainsblog.livejournal.com]

The boats carrying the first-years sink.

Polyjuice potion is made of people.

Hermione's a guy.

And you'll understand this one in a year or so: the last sentence of the book, uttered at the bottom of page 607 (of the Bloomsbury edition) as Harry sits at a table in a Hogsmeade diner, playing a power ballad by Wicked Sisters on the jukebox as the members of his inner circle come to table, one by one. Ron arrives and says,
"Blimey, Harry, it's disappeared!"
"What has?"
"Your SCAR!"

Page 608 is blank.

[laurenmitchell.livejournal.com]

*sporfles*

I love it!

[ohmysyzygy.livejournal.com]

voldemort is his father.
harry is actually a ghost.
harry potter isn't real.
hogwarts is part of a modern nature reserve.
his friends are all a part of his beautiful mind.
rosebud was the name of his broom.

kudos to threadless.com for the "spoilt" t-shirt, and to a university education teaching the subtleties of plagiarsim.