Update 2/2

[active_apathy]

This is the happier entry. Here we go...

One - new icon. That's it, off to the side. If you don't remember seeing that scene, it's because you didn't; it's from the script of an unmade episode called Dead or Alive. Near as I can tell (having checked with Babelfish and that site that translates the Chinese in Firefly), 混蛋 means 'bastard'.

Two - spider. In my bedroom. For perspective...

I don't deal with bugs. Not at all, not ever, and so on. I had a cockroach improsoned in the hallway under a plastic container that I'd jump over for a week before I had a visitor to throw it out for me. This spider was, by some standards, small-ish - roughly the size of an Australian 20c piece. Those standards are not my standards. For the international audience...


Now, many of you wouldn't worry too much about such a creature. That's fine, you're not me. So, I raided my desk and my kitchen cupboard, and took a plastic container with which to trap the offending creature. Step two, as everyone knows, was to slide the paper under and lift the whole plastic-spider-paper assembly off the wall. I then took it to my desk.

Most people would just leave it there. Most people aren't me. No, gentle reader, for I engaged in fearless origami to create the inescapable prison of Arachnatraz. No, really. And then I secured the walls with an old hairtie. The whole lot's sitting on my kitchen bench, with a hastily scribbled warning to make sure I don't get curious about it.


Three - movie. Parents decided that they wanted to make me take them to Mr and Mrs Smith today, since it's a public holiday and they didn't have much to do. They either think I'm superultralonely these days, or they wanted to justify their leering by taking someone they knew would kinda stare at Angelina anyway. I think it's the latter. It's a fun movie, and well worth the time and money to see.

Four - The Vader!llama!song has hit metaquotes again. Everyone, I'm sorry. I never meant for it to go that far.

Ok, so that's not convincing anyone. Um, hey! Look! A specially made spider!prison.

Five - Dear malware authors,

please don't think I won't notice the bandwidth use. I'm on dialup. For that matter, even if I missed that, killing the status thingy won't help because I can look at the flashy lights on the modem. Furthermore, when I am using the internet and listening to music I typically have about 30 processes running. When you leave things on my process table, I will notice and promptly shove them off the side of it. Lastly, your powers of having things run on startup are nothing compared to my powers to take away execute permissions. In future, please don't bother.

And that's about it for the moment.

Comments

[active-apathy.livejournal.com]

It'll be ok. If it gets any creepier, I'll just put the whole lot in an even bigger, airtight container. That'd fix its wagon.

[laurenmitchell.livejournal.com]

I had a spider mysteriously appear on my copy of Legacy of the Drow; when you're reading a book with a main evil goddess character whose nickname is the 'Spider Queen', even a hardened bug-remover such as myself can't help getting a little worried.

[active-apathy.livejournal.com]

...right. Now I'm glancing suspiciously at my copy of The Drow of the Underdark. I wonder of Eilistraee can remove bugs.

[laurenmitchell.livejournal.com]

Quite possibly. Or you could just splat the bugs with the book, although then you have to wipe them off the book.

After my sheer luck with the Centrelink queue today (I walked in and was served almost immediately; I turned around to leave and there were EIGHT people lined up behind me), I'm thanking Tymora. 'Cause, y'know, there isn't a specific Goddess of Short Centrelink Queues.

[active-apathy.livejournal.com]

If there were, she'd demand blood sacrifice in cup #153534A full to no more or less than fourty-two eighty-sevenths of an inch shy of the highest point of the rim, in triplicate.

[laurenmitchell.livejournal.com]

...every fortnight.

And she'd have a very simple name that nonetheless becomes impossible to remember when someone asks you, 'So who exactly did you contact about this?'

[active-apathy.livejournal.com]

Her rituals would involve the use of rubber stamps, an impossibly slow computer system, and ridiculous periods of time.

[laurenmitchell.livejournal.com]

When it's to the supplicant's benefit, the system slows down. If the Goddess is going to get something out of it, however...

*phone rings*

'Hello?'

'It's the Centrelink Goddess here. Where's your fortnightly form? It was due in 0.5 seconds ago. It's late. We're going to cut your payment -- and maybe one of your legs -- off now.'

[active-apathy.livejournal.com]

"Oh, and you have to attend another boing, mostly useless seminar."

[active-apathy.livejournal.com]

Boring, even.

[laurenmitchell.livejournal.com]

Well, yes. But 'boing' is so much more fun.

[laurenmitchell.livejournal.com]

I would LOVE to attend a 'boing' seminar. I suspect it would involve Slinkies and high-bounce balls out of those machines you get at the supermarket.

(best typo ever)

[active-apathy.livejournal.com]

"Where's this seminar being held?"
"Oh, we'll be hiring a jumping castle. Wear socks."

[laurenmitchell.livejournal.com]

Jumping castles are the best thing ever. I would've hired one for my 21st, but I suspect nobody else would've been allowed a turn.

'Can we just--'

'NO! My bouncy thing! Go 'way!'

[active-apathy.livejournal.com]

*dies laughing*

*recovers, reaches toward keyboard*

*dies laughing again*

[laurenmitchell.livejournal.com]

Are you alive again yet?

And what was it? The phrase 'bouncy thing', or the whole comment?

[active-apathy.livejournal.com]

The whole comment. Surely you're starting to learn how my imagination goes about things.

[laurenmitchell.livejournal.com]

I'm getting the idea, yes.

Please don't be dead. The spider will take over your house and start eating people and then nobody will be happy.

[active-apathy.livejournal.com]

Oh. *resurrects*

[laurenmitchell.livejournal.com]

I just got a fabulous Job Mail from Seek. It's an ad for an editor with Harcourt Education. They clearly need one:

Would you like the opportunity of working on pogressive and innovative books and multimedia products that motivate children to learn...

Pogressive. I want this job now, if only to find out what 'pogressive' means.

[active-apathy.livejournal.com]

Whenever the Amish make a quilt, they're said to deliberately include a flaw to show that only $DEITY is perfect.

I, too, think they're full of it.

[laurenmitchell.livejournal.com]

...which brings us full circle to the subject of deities.

Or would, if I didn't badly need to get the hell to bed. I need a whole lot of sleep, because I have work again tomo-- today, and sleep would greatly boost my ability to deal with people trying to book tickets for Cirque du frigging Soleil.

[active-apathy.livejournal.com]

Best of luck. We can go to bed together!

um... temporally speaking. Goodnight! *hugs*

[laurenmitchell.livejournal.com]

Oh darling, I was hoping you'd ask.

*reads second line of comment as well as first* Oh. Nevermind.

;-b

[active-apathy.livejournal.com]

I just didn't know if you were quite ready for it yet. There's that whole geography thing, too.

[laurenmitchell.livejournal.com]

Who needs geography when you have pillows?

[active-apathy.livejournal.com]

Oooh... *pounce*

[laurenmitchell.livejournal.com]

Stop molesting my pillows.

[active-apathy.livejournal.com]

May I molest you instead?

Pleeeaase?

[laurenmitchell.livejournal.com]

I'd say yes, but my partner would doubtless say no. I think he likes me to be a one-molester woman.

Although on the molestation note, according to Cosmo magazine I'm perfectly on the midpoint between 'totally straight' and 'totally gay'. Mind you, that's Cosmo. They also had some interesting articles on fetishes; it's amazing what becomes 'interesting' when you're bored at work.

[active-apathy.livejournal.com]

But... but I'm clean! And friendly! And I'll even settle for hugs!

My powers of ripping-content-off-the-intarwebs have failed to yield the quiz. I suspect intarweb-quizzes may go live a month in arrears.

May I impose upon you to type (or scan or OCR or digital photograph or smoke signal) a dodgy bootleg of it?

[laurenmitchell.livejournal.com]

Hugs are good. *hugs* *does not molest you* *well, maybe a little bit*

If I can get the magazine back off Emma tomorrow, I will -- I borrowed it from her.

[active-apathy.livejournal.com]

*hugs* *gets a little bit molested* Thankyou kindly. Oh, and for stealing the quiz, too. :D

Um... you may want to start a new comment thread, since we've just about to run off the side of the page and your reply notifications won't break that way. You're allowed - I won't bite unless you like that kind of thing and I get permission to.