The Answers to the Questions in the Memethingy

[active_apathy]

Yes, it's the meme that near enough to everyone else has already done. But this one's Different, because...

um...

anyway, I'll start by introducing you to the list of characters, just so we all know what we're dealing with.

1. Captain Malcolm Reynolds
2. Doctor Gregory House
3. Harry Blackstone Copperfield Dresden
4. Westley
5. Elphaba Thropp
6. Faye Whitaker
   
7. Kaywinnit Lee "Kaylee" Frye
8. Captain Archibald Haddock
9. Doctor Dillamond
10. Serenity
11. Alexander Harris
12. Pintsize
13. Bartimaeus
14. Samwise Gamgee
15. Cthulhu

Yay, fun.

So, now, on to the questions:

1. If 3, 12, 5 and 7 were in a musical or play, what would it be and what are their roles?
   
   Honestly, it wouldn't matter what play they were in. Kaylee would be there to enjoy it, no matter what it was. The stage lights - and probably Pintsize - wouldn't last a minute that close to our Mr Dresden, and Elphie would have a perfectly moving and stirring speech to make instead.
   
   
2. Number 2 is reading a book. What is it?
   
   It's Wilson's diary. It'd make the second occassion he'd wondered at someone loving... does that say 'grey horse'?
   
   
3. Did 15 come to Earth for evil purposes?
   
   Actually, no. Cthulhu came to Earth for the All-You-Can-Eat Arkham Asylum Buffet. Unfortunately, they ran out of patients and Cthulhu was a little miffed because he was promised all he could eat.
   
   
4. Number 8: Big Damn Hero or Tool of the Alliance?
   
   Apparently, Blue Sun scotch isn't anywhere near as good as Loch Lomond. You can measure him up for a nice, new brown coat.
   
   
5. Let's say 1 and 10 are two sides of a love triangle. Who on the list is playing the part of hypotenuse?
   
   Mal's starting to get a little jealous on account of it's Kaylee that Serenity talks to.
   
   
6. 4, 6, 11 and 14 walk into a bar. Fight! What do they order? And does it descend into a bar room brawl?
   
   So, obviously, it's the Bronze. We'll take that as a given. Sam will probably find himself some variety of fermented malt beverage, then proceed to explain how much better it'd be with 'taters. Faye's likely to be into the Midnight Hobo, or possibly just quadruple espresso latte monstrosities. If it's the latter, then Xander may also go for the previously mentioned ultracaffeinated beverages. Since Westley can safely ingest Iocaine powder, we can conclude he could drink Midnight Hobo without consequence.
   
   Because it's the Bronze, no fight until vampires turn up. Sam runs about looking for Mr Frodo. Even vampires are afraid of Faye. Westley's bested Inigo, so keeping vampires at bay isn't much of a challenge. Xander actually knows how to turn them into dust, so the scene eventually ends.
   
   
7. We go to the crappy town where 9 is a hero. What did he do, and how do the townsfolk celebrate the deed?
   
   Doctor Dillamond deserves to be a hero in every town, celebrated with song and possibly dance.
   
   
8. Let's say 13 is hauled in by the authorities. What does their rap sheet look like?
   
   It could be a long one, but he was just following orders¹. And a lot of it's just a matter of perspective².
   
   
9. 9 and 7 decide to take over the world. What causes the biggest plan-based argument?
   
   Most likely, what kind of animal should be made the plushie mascot of their open, inclusive and friendly new world order.
   
   
10. 10 and 3 are hosting the bachelorette party for 5. What happens?
    
    Oh my. Well, Serenity provides a venue. It's kinda one of her biggest skills. Harry organises things like food and drink, and since a Firefly is a fairly simplistic spaceship, he doesn't make any of the bits go 'splodey. Elphie and the invited guests have fun, until she asks Harry what he does and he points out that he's a professional wizard with an ad in the phonebook.
    
    
11. Would you make out with 3, 11 or 14? (collectively or individually)
    
    Not so much with 3. Harry rarely gets a chance to wash, and I think he's brighter than to make a habit of shaving in cold water. 11 is Xander, and if we look past the whole manparts thing he's got going, then it could be fun. 14 is Sam Gamgee, who would need to (a) wash, and (b) stand on something.
    
    
12. If 6 and 9 met, would they fall in love?
    
    I don't think that Faye and Doctor Dillamond would really do that well together. Besides, she rather fancies Marten.
    
    
13. 15, 4, 12 and 8 form a rock band. What are they called, who plays what instrument, and who is the lead vocalist? Why do they finally part ways?
    
    In his garage at R'lyeh dead Cthulhu waits jamming. Or something.
    
    It'd be called The Dread Pirates of Loch Lomond, and would have Pintsize on guitar, Haddock on bass (and occasional brass instruments), and Cthulhu would make an incredible drummer. The lead vocalist is, of course, Westley. Miracle Max keeps getting confused about the songs, wondering why they're all about 'to bluv'.
    
    Eventually the band parts ways because the record label decides the stars just aren't right, and the venues get sick of the cost of insuring crowds against being eaten. Westley goes on to greater things, while Haddock sticks to his roots and plays with pub bands. Pintsize spends his whole fortune on cheap cookie dough. Cthulhu has a nap for a couple of thousand years, then lives off the royalties and the milennia of compound interest.
    
    
14. Why would 3 be a mentor to 7?
    
    Because River gets to have all the fun - reading minds, kicking folk around poles, that kind of thing. And Kaylee would have fun with the learning, too. If they'd stop trying to kill Harry for a minute or five.
    
    
15. If 2 and 11 met in high school, why might they become best friends?
    
    House and Xander? It'd be like a high school version of House and Wilson.
    
    
16. What sort of comments would 5 leave on 14's LiveJournal?
    
    Elphie? Leaving comments on Sam's journal? I'm not entirely sure it'd happen.
    
    
17. Would 10 drop the One Ring into Mount Doom? Would 13 try to stop him/her?
    
    Serenity probably could drop the Ring, but it'd take a little bit of an effort. Fortunately, damn orcs can't even tell a transport ship ain't got no guns on it.
    
    Bartimaeus might intervene, or might not. On his own initiative, I really doubt he'd intervene.
    
    
18. If 3, 5, 7, 10 and 15 ran out of rations and had to resort to cannibalism, who would be eaten first?
    
    I really think Cthulhu would just eat the others. Even the ship. Mmm, metal, iä, ftagn.
    
    
19. 2, 4, 8 and 12 have come to the Bridge of Death and met the Keeper. They must answer he the questions three, 'ere the other side they see. Who crosses safely? Who gets cast into the Gorge of Eternal Peril? Who does something completely different?
    
    In order:
    
    Doctor House answers the questions three in as snarky a way as ever, and then proceeds to diagnose the particular social conditioning leading the Keeper to send people into the Gorge of Eternal Peril. This angers the Keeper, who then attempts to lash out, so House whaps him over the head with his cane.
    
    Westley answers the questions three. The Keeper lets him answer his name as the Dread Pirate Roberts. Even the Keeper is scared of the Dread Pirate Roberts, possibly because a cripple just whapped him on the head.
    
    Captain Haddock answers the questions three, but his bottle is flung into the Gorge of Eternal Peril. This upsets him, and Haddock chases the Keeper all the way to Castle Anthrax, all the way yelling anything he can think of to say. Lackerband! Conservative! Procumbent procurator!
    
    So, when Pintsize gets to the bridge, the Keeper just gives up and jumps over the edge all by himself.
    
    
20. 2, 9 and 15 have it on good authority that the world is going to end in three days, unless they figure out what the menace is and how to stop it. How do they react, and what are their suggestions for saving the planet?
    
    Oh my. Cthulhu's probably responsible for it, so his response is to simply eat the other two. He saves the planet for himself.
    
    
21. 7 and 12 make greeting cards for each other. How do the cards turn out?
    
    Kaylee makes a really pretty card for Pintsize, using her creativity and happiness to create art that leaves the greeting cards of mere mortals for dead.
    
    Pintsize gives Kaylee a card which is best left in the envelope.
    
    
22. 3, 14 and 1 are competing in a trivia quiz show. Who wins?
    
    Unfortunately for Sam, he's eliminated in the first round - too many questions on modern things, not enough on gardening, 'taters and Hobbit barmaids.
    
    The second round sees Harry out of the competition; not so much because Mal knows more, but because Harry gets a little into the competition, causing the buzzer to be little more than a red button which moves ineffectually.
    
    Mal becomes the trivia champion of fandom.
    
    
23. If 8 were to knit something for 6, what would it be and how would the gift be received?
    
    Captain Haddock knits Faye a scarf, upon which may be read the words 'blistering barnacles'. Faye wears it to Coffee of Doom when it's cold outside.
    
    
24. What is 10's secret superpower?
    
    Irresistable prettiness.
    
    
25. What's 1's reaction to 14 pole dancing?
    
    And I quote, o.O

And that's the answers. Enjoy. :)

¹They were the pesky kind that leave no room for interpretation.
²Well, it is. It's not like anyone else's walls would've held up even that long.

Comments

[eighthcloud.livejournal.com]

that was highly enjoyable.

[active-apathy.livejournal.com]

Yay! Enjoyment!

[deepfishy.livejournal.com]

Let's say [Mal] and [Serenity] are two sides of a love triangle. Who on the list is playing the part of hypotenuse?

Hah! Could it have been more perfect? :D


And there's another question in the box, if you want it. I had too much fun with these...

[active-apathy.livejournal.com]

Explain to me how it's possible to have too much fun.

[deepfishy.livejournal.com]

Well it's...I mean...

...overdose?

You might forget some teensy tiny unimportant things, like eating and sleeping. When having too much fun.

[active-apathy.livejournal.com]

But food and sleep are also fun, so there's a kind of safety net.

[laurenmitchell.livejournal.com]

Yours was much more fun than mine. Possibly because you got questions.

[active-apathy.livejournal.com]

Or possibly because you put Cthulhu in a band. Happily, drumming is a fairly innocent thing to do with tentacles.

[maggiebloome.livejournal.com]

Bwaha! I'd go o.O too. Hey, go give me some questions here! I intend to post the answers just as soon as I'm done with my dubbo posts.

[active-apathy.livejournal.com]

I think everyone would go o.O even if it was just at him saying "what would the old gaffer say if he could see me now?"

Done. One of them includes the directive 'Discuss.'