active_apathy

Here's some information gathered from the last poll and interpreted by me.

Firstly, 100% of respondents said that I need to update more. You, pardon the cliche, asked for it.

43.8% of respondents said that I need to be more motivated, and I've been meaning to post this for nearly a week.

...

Oh. Point taken.

68.8% said that I need to find $50 or $100 each month. Early research suggests people think I need to physically find it in the lounge cushions or on the street or something. To make this easier, I'll put up a sign asking all those sitting on my lounge to conveniently drop a dollar or twenty.

56.2% said that I need an alternative. 43.8% offered the choice of not having an alternative.

31.2% said that I need touch in my body. About 80% of these are believed to have misread this need as "touchin' my body". 0% have elaborated on whether this would be for my benefit, or for theirs.

56.2% said I need to change my oil more regularly. An unknown percentage of those are believed to think I'm some kind of robot. Some of these people seem to think I could change oil, given something with changeable oil in it; 100% of those are dead wrong.

43.8% said I need a group hug. Squish together, ready when you are...

25% said I need emergency radiation therapy. 25% of those are known to be medical students. Um... that's actually kinda scary, but glow-in-the-dark is always fun.

68.8% said I need points in order to use the scarf bomb. 0% have offered some explanation as to what a scarf bomb actually is.

43.8% said I need to know my body belongs to me, and is mine to look after. I've written ownership labels, and I'm writing a post-it with care instructions now.

37.5% said I need a new best friend. It's unknown how many of these people believe that it should be someone other than them.

18.8% said I need to be part of a loving, committed "marriage". It logically follows that 81.2 would object, when faced with having to forever hold their peace.

62.5% said I need to be taken seriously in future. Apparently, 37.5% of people have the right idea.

37.5% said that I need mental help. Well, that proves it.

31.2% said that I need to be bright. 68.8% said any brighter and their eyes would hurt. The little bear says I'm just right.

68.8% said I need as much free space at the front of the platform as possible. I'm not entirely certain how this should be interpreted. Do I seem to be rather large? Does it sound like I need a lot of air? Do you want a clear shot for the snipers? Please tell me it's not snipers...

31.2% said I need to see if I can write a bigger payment check each month. Here I was 24.7% likely to make a joke since I forgot to change it to 'cheque'. I'm 0% likely to write cheques, anyway.

12.5% said I need a home with consistency, firm limits and sensitivity. I'm 86.4% sure that they were being funny.

To end this lunacy, one more item. 43.8% of respondents said that I need the first ornament.

[Poll #594540]

ETA: The box around the poll. That's a Big Damn Textbox.