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Today, I went shopping.
My mission was accepted for me, bythe vile curse of a consumerist society continually driven to greater and greater excesses as corporations try to suck the disempowered populace dry one of my shoelaces snapping. So, I went for a little quest throughout the shopping centre, my eventual aim being the location and retrieval of a pair of black round shoelaces of an appropriate length and thickness.
Three. Hours. Later, I arrive at the very last of the shops in the building likely to carry any kind of shoelace, let alone the ones that I want. And there, before my eyes, they hang! On a top shelf! It's like Joss was protecting them, just for me. So, I collect them and take them over to the counter.
Pretty Shop Assistant™ scans them, reads the price off the computer screen, and looks at me. "They'll be $79.95", she declares; her voice is that even, neutral tone of 'you must give me money to take goods from this shop'.
You know River's OMJWTFidjit‽ expression? That's exactly the face I pulled. She blinked, looked back at the screen, and facepalmed. "$7.95", she corrected. Her colleague looked, gave one of those odd little male giggles, and shuffled off to do his job.
Thus shoelaced, I went on with my second quest item - plastic dinosaurs. So, I go to a shop that I know has plastic dinosaurs there for the purchasing.
...
And they've been discontinued. Browncoat Shop Assistant™ walks over, and asks if I need help. I start to explain what I'm looking for, stop, rethink, and ask if she's seen Firefly. And... she has! Wheeee!
I explain that I'm looking for dinosaurs like Wash is playing with at the start of the pilot episode. I get a blank stare in return. So, I pick up an Albert Einstein Action Figure (I kid thee not!) and a plastic cow, and re-enact, right there, in the middle of the shop.
Complete with voices and actions and expressions.
ALBERT: Yes. Everything looks good from here. This is a fertile land, and we will thrive. We will rule over all this land, and we will call it... "This Land"
COW: I call it your grave!
ALBERT: Ah, curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal!
COW: Ha ha HAH. Mine is an evil laugh. Now DIE!
ALBERT: Oh God! Oh dear God in heaven!
At this point, I have a little audience to whom I give an equally little wave, and a giggly shop assistant who knew exactly what I meant but wanted to see how I'd explain it. She suggests trying a toy shop; I may do that when my Serenity store arrives.
And that's about it for the narrative. So, now, I have pretend letters. Whee!
Dear "Goth",
Please take this advice from the person writing in her notebook with a black felt-tip calligraphic pen: carrying a cane and wearing a collar and leash while feeding a chronic tic-tac addiction doesn't make you look all goth.
No, not even a little bit.
It makes you look like Gregory House going to a fetish party. Please, please reconsider.
With hope for your dress sense,
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active_apathy
Dear Stationers,
Putting 7mm lined notepads right next to 1mm black felt-tip calligraphic pens is pure genius, especially when I am in need of a notepad. I now have a use for lined paper, since the line height is canonical for those using a 1mm pen in this particular hand.
Yours consumerishly,
active_apathy
My mission was accepted for me, by
Three. Hours. Later, I arrive at the very last of the shops in the building likely to carry any kind of shoelace, let alone the ones that I want. And there, before my eyes, they hang! On a top shelf! It's like Joss was protecting them, just for me. So, I collect them and take them over to the counter.
Pretty Shop Assistant™ scans them, reads the price off the computer screen, and looks at me. "They'll be $79.95", she declares; her voice is that even, neutral tone of 'you must give me money to take goods from this shop'.
You know River's OMJWTFidjit‽ expression? That's exactly the face I pulled. She blinked, looked back at the screen, and facepalmed. "$7.95", she corrected. Her colleague looked, gave one of those odd little male giggles, and shuffled off to do his job.
Thus shoelaced, I went on with my second quest item - plastic dinosaurs. So, I go to a shop that I know has plastic dinosaurs there for the purchasing.
...
And they've been discontinued. Browncoat Shop Assistant™ walks over, and asks if I need help. I start to explain what I'm looking for, stop, rethink, and ask if she's seen Firefly. And... she has! Wheeee!
I explain that I'm looking for dinosaurs like Wash is playing with at the start of the pilot episode. I get a blank stare in return. So, I pick up an Albert Einstein Action Figure (I kid thee not!) and a plastic cow, and re-enact, right there, in the middle of the shop.
Complete with voices and actions and expressions.
ALBERT: Yes. Everything looks good from here. This is a fertile land, and we will thrive. We will rule over all this land, and we will call it... "This Land"
COW: I call it your grave!
ALBERT: Ah, curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal!
COW: Ha ha HAH. Mine is an evil laugh. Now DIE!
ALBERT: Oh God! Oh dear God in heaven!
At this point, I have a little audience to whom I give an equally little wave, and a giggly shop assistant who knew exactly what I meant but wanted to see how I'd explain it. She suggests trying a toy shop; I may do that when my Serenity store arrives.
And that's about it for the narrative. So, now, I have pretend letters. Whee!
Dear "Goth",
Please take this advice from the person writing in her notebook with a black felt-tip calligraphic pen: carrying a cane and wearing a collar and leash while feeding a chronic tic-tac addiction doesn't make you look all goth.
No, not even a little bit.
It makes you look like Gregory House going to a fetish party. Please, please reconsider.
With hope for your dress sense,
active_apathyDear Stationers,
Putting 7mm lined notepads right next to 1mm black felt-tip calligraphic pens is pure genius, especially when I am in need of a notepad. I now have a use for lined paper, since the line height is canonical for those using a 1mm pen in this particular hand.
Yours consumerishly,
active_apathy
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no subject
Date: 2005-10-17 06:50 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-17 06:53 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-17 06:58 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-17 07:00 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-17 06:50 am (UTC)*dies*
Metaquote? Can I?
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Date: 2005-10-17 06:52 am (UTC)You can, though the rest of the 'letter' - or at least the body of it - would make more sense.
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Date: 2005-10-17 06:57 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-17 07:00 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-17 07:19 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-17 07:25 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-17 07:34 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-17 07:36 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-17 05:14 pm (UTC)(found this LJ on
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Date: 2005-10-17 07:17 am (UTC)"It makes you look like Gregory House going to a fetish party. Please, please reconsider."
*snicker*
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Date: 2005-10-17 07:26 am (UTC)Much more fun, actually.
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Date: 2005-10-17 08:03 am (UTC)It makes you look like Gregory House going to a fetish party.
*chokes*
I...I have no words.
I now have this image of House limping around the hospital, with black eyeliner and a spiky leather collar on. And I can't stop watching because it's IN MY BRAIN. And...strangely compelling.
no subject
Date: 2005-10-17 08:08 am (UTC)"Where are you going?"
"Clinic's boring, dying patient."
"Get back in there, right now."
"What are you going to do? Spank me? Get Wilson to spank me?"
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Date: 2005-10-17 08:05 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-17 08:10 am (UTC)Seriously, go and see Serenity. You won't be disappointed.
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Date: 2005-10-17 09:40 am (UTC)Stationers who know their stuff are both evil and a delight.
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Date: 2005-10-17 09:43 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-17 10:39 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-17 04:17 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-17 11:10 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-17 11:13 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-17 11:16 am (UTC)Meh, Albert Einstein. I want me a Shakespeare one. At the local toy shop ('Toys! Toys! Toys!') there's a whole rack of historical figures, including Freud, Beethoven, and *drumroll* Jesus. With gliding action.
*totally hasn't already done that scene with a teddy bear and a Sesshoumaru-plushie*
no subject
Date: 2005-10-17 01:27 pm (UTC)My college bookstore has Karl Marx, Virginia Woolf, Sigmund Freud and Frida Kahlo. Plus finger-puppet Hamlet. I never bought one because I couldn't decide which to get.
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Date: 2005-10-17 12:54 pm (UTC)... *falls down laughing*
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Date: 2005-10-17 04:19 pm (UTC)I'd always just assumed it was cremated in a disco inferno.
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Date: 2005-10-17 06:17 pm (UTC)Can you shoot up drugs in your bones?
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Date: 2005-10-17 04:22 pm (UTC)It's not hard to guess what I did. I just wish I'd bought them, as well, but I spent a lot of money on shiny objects anyway. Besides, I have dinosaurs. They're tiny and fluorescent, but they're dinosaurs.
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Date: 2005-10-17 04:24 pm (UTC)The little tree is important, too.
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Date: 2005-10-17 04:33 pm (UTC)I have a crystal tree -- does that count?
AUGH. I can't find the dinos. I'll have to look properly on the weekend when I have time.
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Date: 2005-10-17 04:37 pm (UTC)Um... maybe. Green plastic trees are canon, but maybe Inara (or maybe Kaylee) has one he plays with sometimes.
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Date: 2005-10-17 04:46 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-17 05:10 pm (UTC)Good luck finding the dinosaus, though!
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Date: 2005-10-17 05:11 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-17 04:24 pm (UTC)add please?
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Date: 2005-10-17 04:26 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-17 08:25 pm (UTC)OMG U R STEELING MY IDEAAAAAA.
XD
Seriously, that's totally awesome. I've entaced the skit a few times to confused classmates, but only with my hands. Using Albert Einstien and a cow is just brilliant. I may have to add them to 'this land' when I have the funds.
Also, the random Browncoat slang makes me happy inside. Movie round 3 this Thursday!
no subject
Date: 2005-10-17 09:13 pm (UTC)