Titles are the work of the <lj-DEVIL>!

[active_apathy]

First thing first, the ad for Doctor Who with its mention of reality TV (yes, we here in Australia are horridly behind) gave me this mental image of a kind of Dalek Big Brother.

YOU ARE A HOUSEMATE! YOU MUST NOM-IN-ATE! NOM-IN-ATE! NO-MIN-ATE! EEE-VICT! EEE-VICT!

And now that that madness has passed, today's entry is mostly about something I've noticed. People seem to, in some ways, know me. At this point, you're probably thinking something like "that's odd because?" It's an interesting experience to have people be able to just say "Hey! You! You did this, and that, and I think that other thing, and I loved the ten things you can't do thingy!"

At this point, I should mention that I don't have much to respond to this with. There's always options like "And it's... um... you! With the head! And the... um... the eyes! And you... um... commented." It's an unusually awkward kind of thing, and makes me wonder how people who are really, genuinely famous would deal with it (beyond going to bonkers and retiring to high-walled mansions, I suppose). It may even be worse for them, since they tend to have bits like 'about the author' pages while my userinfo's still the blankest of canvases. This post was supposed to help fix it, and I may just get around to doing all that shortly-ish.

So, I put to you a question: What do you do when random folk seem to know all about you?

Comments

[active-apathy.livejournal.com]

Now you've got me all curious - which, I hasten to add, is fun.

Do you feel a bit odd about posting the first reply or comment in a thread, and wait for someone else to say something? In a fuzzier context, are there any set criteria that make you feel 'in'? Does continuing with this comment thread help you to feel more welcome, by keeping up a dialogue - or is it different for the next entry, and then the next, until you eventually feel comfortable? Do other people in personal journals scare you some, or do you comment as more of a personal dialogue with the journal's owner? Is this far too many questions for one paragraph?

[palmer-kun.livejournal.com]

Curious is fine. One thing about me that's helpful to know - I am an open book and live an open life. Anything you may wonder about me, just ask. There is no question "too personal" or "prying" or even "rude" really. If you're curious enough to know, I'm willing to answer. No need to reassure me that your curiosity is fun, or to offer other warnings not to be scared of you and your madcap antics. I've decided I like you, and that includes accepting that you may be scary at times (most likely through no fault of your own) and that's fine. I'm all about taking the good with the bad.

That being said, I'm really not sure how to answer all these questions.
Set criteria? Nothing I could define hard and fast. Generally, for group settings, I either need to belong in the group via some means (member of a club, student in a class, recieved an invite, etc), or a decent (vague) number of members of a group (social for instance) must be visibly and unmistakably inviting and welcoming of my presence. For individuals, it's generally the same - they need to clearly indicate that my presence, attentoion, babbling and such are welcome (not merely tolerated).
The specifics always vary. In your case, it was continuing in extended discussion with me and most of all the eventual friending back.

It's not so much about my feeling of comfort, as my knowledge that the other party is comfortable with my presence et al. I know that a lot of people dislike me for various reasons, and my conscience hates the idea that I might be seriously making someone uncomfortable by hanging around them and talking to them. So until they make it clear I'm welcome I'm very nervous and circumspect.

Other people in personal journals are a non-issue. The personal dialogue concept pretty much sums it up for me. If someone else wants to turn up and drop a comment, that's fine because they came to me, which makes my presence (at least for the time) automatically welcome.

Ask as much as you want, no such thing as too much.

[active-apathy.livejournal.com]

That wasn't reassurance - I just felt like explaining a bit about me. I like curiosity. I think there should be more of it.

The idea of knowing that your presence is welcome is interesting. Does this mean that a perception of welcomness is as flimsy and scary as ever, until - explicitly or implicitly - it's made obvious that you are welcome?

[palmer-kun.livejournal.com]

It seems we are in agreement about curiosity then. This is delightful to know.

Exactly. A mere perception is flimsy and scary, because it's uncertain. Having my presence merely tolerated is as bad as being outright unwelcome... worse in some ways, because I'm annoying/bothering them MORE than if I was just told to stop and go away.
Without some kind of confirmation, I have no way of really knowing if I'm welcome or just tolerated, and it's an uncomfortable thing. After a while, I tend to snap and just come out with "Am I bothering you? Do you want me to go away?"

[active-apathy.livejournal.com]

Entirely and absolutely.

And I don't tolerate you. That may be because you're welcome here.

Just thought you'd like to know.

[palmer-kun.livejournal.com]

*grins* Thank you milady.

*bows so deep he falls over and smacks his nose*

Ow...

I was pretty sure by now... it was friending me back that basically confirmed it for me, since you had taken your time in doing so. I figured if you didn't like me, you wouldn't have done that after waiting so long.

[active-apathy.livejournal.com]

Even pretty sure is less than certain.

And no smacking your nose on the Internet. It makef people type thingf fuddy.

[palmer-kun.livejournal.com]

I've learned to live without absolute certainty in my life, especially in regards to interpersonal relationships.

All too often I've been assured of something being "absolutely certain" only to have it turn out to be anything but, and ultimately get burned by it.

If it was my nose that got smacked, why are you typing funny?

[active-apathy.livejournal.com]

It comes with my powers of typing; I'm not Anne Rice, either.

[palmer-kun.livejournal.com]

If you were Anne Rice, you wouldn't be on my friends list, you'd be on my Mock List.

[active-apathy.livejournal.com]

Oh, good. I do approve of mocking, but I don't think you need to be told that.

[palmer-kun.livejournal.com]

Considering you're one of my mocking idols, no. I don't think so.