This morning (assuming 'this morning' is 'yesterday morning' is Thursday, because I said so) I shuffled out the front door to go and get my public transport fix for the day. The following all-too-frequent exchange happened:
Me: *mumbles something that sounds like a greeting*
Driver: Mornin'.
Me: Uh...
Brain: *remembers how mornings work, takes over*
Me: A [ticket], thanks.
Driver: (puzzled) Um... a [ticket]?
Me: Yes. One of those.
Driver: Don't you want a [ZOMGdifferent ticket]?
Me: No. I mean a [ticket].
Driver: A [ticket]?
Me: (encouragingly) Yes. The [price] one.
Driver: *encodes and hands over [ticket]*
Me: *takes ticket, scampers to seat*
Notice that? It's all generalised, because it happens for virtually every kind of ticket I try to buy. Anyway, it essentially translates as:
Me: Morning!
Driver: You look like you're trying to pay your fare. Would you like help?
Me: Would you like to swallow a paperclip? Answer carefully. I'm decaffeinated.
Driver: Um... this isn't about me. This is your story; I'm just visiting.
Me: Well, good. Now we've got that sorted out, I'd like a [ticket], thanks.
Driver: (is puzzled) A [ticket]?
Me: Yes, exactly.
Driver: But surely you'd like a [ZOMGdifferent ticket]...
Me: No, I'm fairly certain I wouldn't.
Driver: Are you sure?
Me: Entirely.
Driver: Is that your final-
Me: Finish that sentence and you will ingest the steering wheel.
Driver: Fair enough. So, that was a [ZOMGdifferent ticket]...
Me: No, it was a [ticket].
Driver: Are you sure? The [ZOMGdifferent ticket] is better.
Me: Not for me.
Driver: For everyone!
Me: Apart from me.
Driver: But I think you want the [ZOMGdifferent ticket].
Me: Well, that certainly makes one of us.
Driver: So you want-
Me: Remember that thing there used to be?
Driver: Thing?
Me: The kind of division of labour thing.
Driver: (puzzled) The what?
Me: The thing where I decided what ticket I wanted, and then you drove the bus?
Driver: Oh, that. Well, I think-
Me: That those were good times? Wacky fun? That we should go back to that?
Driver: Um, well, actually...
Me: Good to see you agree.
Driver: But I think that you-
Me: See my exact change? See how [ticket] is [price]?
Driver: It could be a coincidence!
Me: Unfortunately, we're still on planet Earth.
Driver: Actually, no. This is still your story. Have you noticed anything about your stories?
Me: Lies. And slander. Lies, slander, and libel. And nonsense! Wait... I'll come in again.
Driver: Please don't.
Me: Fine. So, [ticket]?
Driver: But you really want a...
Me: [ticket]. Yes. Who'd have thought.
Driver: But...
Me: *stares*
Driver: *mumbles incoherently*
Me: *is optimistic*
Driver: Are you-
Me: Sure? Yes. Certain? Utterly. Definite, decided and indisputably abiding. My mind, it is made up. My resolve, let me show you it. I can has [tikkit].
Driver: You... can has?
Me: [tikkit]. Now.
Driver: You know, I can hear the misspelling, which means-
Me: That you'll give me my [ticket], or I'll be forced to lolcat a second time.
Driver: Well, why didn't you say so? *encodes and dispenses ticket*
Me: I hate my stories sometimes. *accepts ticket, scampers to seat*
With the addition of your choice of 'grrr', 'argh', 'arrrrrr', 'someone set up us the ticket' or 'this is public transpoooooooorrrrrrrrt!', that's about all there is for today.
...
[Poll #1043982]
Me: *mumbles something that sounds like a greeting*
Driver: Mornin'.
Me: Uh...
Brain: *remembers how mornings work, takes over*
Me: A [ticket], thanks.
Driver: (puzzled) Um... a [ticket]?
Me: Yes. One of those.
Driver: Don't you want a [ZOMGdifferent ticket]?
Me: No. I mean a [ticket].
Driver: A [ticket]?
Me: (encouragingly) Yes. The [price] one.
Driver: *encodes and hands over [ticket]*
Me: *takes ticket, scampers to seat*
Notice that? It's all generalised, because it happens for virtually every kind of ticket I try to buy. Anyway, it essentially translates as:
Me: Morning!
Driver: You look like you're trying to pay your fare. Would you like help?
Me: Would you like to swallow a paperclip? Answer carefully. I'm decaffeinated.
Driver: Um... this isn't about me. This is your story; I'm just visiting.
Me: Well, good. Now we've got that sorted out, I'd like a [ticket], thanks.
Driver: (is puzzled) A [ticket]?
Me: Yes, exactly.
Driver: But surely you'd like a [ZOMGdifferent ticket]...
Me: No, I'm fairly certain I wouldn't.
Driver: Are you sure?
Me: Entirely.
Driver: Is that your final-
Me: Finish that sentence and you will ingest the steering wheel.
Driver: Fair enough. So, that was a [ZOMGdifferent ticket]...
Me: No, it was a [ticket].
Driver: Are you sure? The [ZOMGdifferent ticket] is better.
Me: Not for me.
Driver: For everyone!
Me: Apart from me.
Driver: But I think you want the [ZOMGdifferent ticket].
Me: Well, that certainly makes one of us.
Driver: So you want-
Me: Remember that thing there used to be?
Driver: Thing?
Me: The kind of division of labour thing.
Driver: (puzzled) The what?
Me: The thing where I decided what ticket I wanted, and then you drove the bus?
Driver: Oh, that. Well, I think-
Me: That those were good times? Wacky fun? That we should go back to that?
Driver: Um, well, actually...
Me: Good to see you agree.
Driver: But I think that you-
Me: See my exact change? See how [ticket] is [price]?
Driver: It could be a coincidence!
Me: Unfortunately, we're still on planet Earth.
Driver: Actually, no. This is still your story. Have you noticed anything about your stories?
Me: Lies. And slander. Lies, slander, and libel. And nonsense! Wait... I'll come in again.
Driver: Please don't.
Me: Fine. So, [ticket]?
Driver: But you really want a...
Me: [ticket]. Yes. Who'd have thought.
Driver: But...
Me: *stares*
Driver: *mumbles incoherently*
Me: *is optimistic*
Driver: Are you-
Me: Sure? Yes. Certain? Utterly. Definite, decided and indisputably abiding. My mind, it is made up. My resolve, let me show you it. I can has [tikkit].
Driver: You... can has?
Me: [tikkit]. Now.
Driver: You know, I can hear the misspelling, which means-
Me: That you'll give me my [ticket], or I'll be forced to lolcat a second time.
Driver: Well, why didn't you say so? *encodes and dispenses ticket*
Me: I hate my stories sometimes. *accepts ticket, scampers to seat*
With the addition of your choice of 'grrr', 'argh', 'arrrrrr', 'someone set up us the ticket' or 'this is public transpoooooooorrrrrrrrt!', that's about all there is for today.
...
[Poll #1043982]
