THERE'S GOLD IN THEM THAR SPANISH PRISONERS!!!!!

[active_apathy]

Oh, Internet.

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Date: Sat, 24 Jan 2009 05:04:26 -0800 (PST)
From: =?iso-8859-1?q?Edward=20Zuma?= <zzumagold@yahoo.com.br>
Reply-To: zumagold@yahoo.co.in
Subject: RE: REPLY
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Meu novo endereço de e-mail
Agora você pode me contactar através do e-mail: zzumagold@yahoo.com.br

RE: REPLY

- Dear potential buyer,we are local minners that have in possesion 470kg of ALLUVIAL RAW GOLD DUST OF 22 carat quality at %92.7+ In a month,we produce 50kg refined GOLD with ordinary man power skill.but with modern equipments,we can be sure of producing more kg per month. So therefore, a prospective buyer is needed for a long term business venture IN partnership who can help in getting some modern drilling equipments and also in the area of shippment.this he can do after purchasing his desired amount of GOLD DUST in kilogram. We expect you to ask for the details through our e-mail contact address.

With world economies as they are at the moment, the Internet has been forced to diversify from lost inheritances, lottery wins and |1tt|3 b|u3 p1||z into an obvious store of what limited wealth is available. For a short time only, you too could chase after electronic promises of ALLUVIAL RAW REFINED GOLD DUST, but apparently only in kilogram, so those of you in the United States may be forced to learn a sensible system of measures.

Or to, y'know, just throw your money out into the street. It'll have much the same result.

All they need is modern equipments! You invest in them long term! They expect you to ask for the details! They pretend you replied to them to begin with! They didn't actually use exclamation marks, but that's because the exclamation marks all depend on a shippment of the MODERN EQUIPMENTS, which they somehow cannot buy with the ALLUVIAL RAW REFINED GOLD DUST in kilogram. (This shippment of MODERN EQUIPMENTS is also essential for the successful operation of spell check.)

At least the Spanish Prisoner kind of makes sense, seeing as how they're not something you can trade on the open market for.. *checks* $895.30 per troy ounce. Oh. Ounces. If only there were some way to convert GOLD DUST in kilogram to ALLUVIAL RAW REFINED GOLD DUST in ounce. Woe! WOE in kilogram!

Whatever happened to the days when scammers would try to sell you landmarks? Or pieces of geography? Or when they'd just get you to agree to impossible bets? Much more of this modern email scam nonsense, and I'll be just about ready to be parted from all my worldly possessions in some dastardly yet clever way that will leave me penniless, outraged, and somewhat amused.

Comments

[photosinensis.livejournal.com]

so those of you in the United States may be forced to learn a sensible system of measures.

Some of us already use SI in our normal lives for everything but driving. The reason for the exception is that everything's measured in miles around here, and converting in your head isn't exactly easy.

Woe! WOE in kilogram

You're selling woe by the kilo? Awesome! How much are you charging? I've got some people I know that could use some woe. After all, they voted for McCain, mostly on the account of liking his VP pick. Incuriosity killed the cat (and totally destroyed my beautiful empire), I tell you.

Whatever happened to the days when scammers would try to sell you landmarks? Or pieces of geography? Or when they'd just get you to agree to impossible bets? Much more of this modern email scam nonsense, and I'll be just about ready to be parted from all my worldly possessions in some dastardly yet clever way that will leave me penniless, outraged, and somewhat amused.

Don't forget that they'll leave you with a small penis. If you want your money back, you'll have to prove that to them medically: a signed note from every physician in your area to that effect should suffice. Maybe.

[potatocubed.livejournal.com]

I miss the early days of the internet, when spam was less polished than this.* I once got an email offering to sell me (as far as I could tell legitimate) industrial diamond-cutting equipment, which I would totally have bought if I had a spare few hundred thousand dollars.

*I challenge anyone to polish actual Spam. Pics or it didn't happen.

[deepfishy.livejournal.com]

But the minners have GOLD DUST. In kilogram! Who could resist such an offer?

And speaking of impossible bets...
Are you tired of spammers trying to con you out of your money with elaborate schemes? Sick of overly-long attempts to tug on your heartstrings? Have I got a deal for you! Your worldly possessions, wagered on the flip of a coin. Heads I win, tails you lose. Readygo. ;)

[leila82.livejournal.com]

...what is this kilogram that you speak of? I prefer my more complicated method of measuring things, one that requires math and remembering conversions. SO HAH!:D

[laurenmitchell.livejournal.com]

They could just say 'come to Sovereign Hill, where we will charge you $$$ to pan for gold, which you will not find because everyone else has already been panning for gold here forever, so then you can visit our souvenir shop and pay more $$$ for your own minuscule flake of gold in a vial of water!'

There's a thought; maybe these spammers could sell Sovereign Hill their gold.

[lilacsigil.livejournal.com]

Oooooooh, not just ounces but TROY ounces! Seductive! Don't they know the minerals market is dropping like a stone right now. Oh, hey, maybe they should mail BHP?

[active-apathy.livejournal.com]

That depends! Does BHP have modern equipments?

[active-apathy.livejournal.com]

Or maybe Sovereign Hill could send them vials and water! Everyone would win, except perhaps sellers of modern equipments.

[active-apathy.livejournal.com]

Alas! I must also remember conversions. Imagine, as a small child, being made to learn that to convert kilograms into grams, one must move the decimal point three places to the right. The horror! :)