IKEA.

[active_apathy]

My parents have a habit of buying me things from IKEA whenever they have occasion to pass through Sydney. They'll buy themselves things too, of course, but they tend to decide that there's fine Swedish flat-pack things that'll make my non-Swedish partly flat-pack life complete.

Usually, they're USEFÜL, or KÜTE, or RÅNDØM KRÄP that's flat and small enough that it can be safely stored away and forgotten. Usually.

Not, sadly, this time.

This time, the product they decided I simply must have was an IKEA flat-pack gingerbread house. It came in a box, with two gingerbread end WÄLLS, two gingerbread side WÄLLS, two gingerbread RØØF panels and a gingerbread CHÏMNEY to make a gingerbread LØNGHÅUS that any gingerbread VÏKÏNGS would take great gingerbread PRYD in. All very fine, if the picture was to be believed.

It wasn't. The assembly went relatively smoothly, with this gingerbread LØNGHÅUS being assembled using a specially-formulated lemon icing MORTÄR. I scampered off to do other things, happily leaving the newly-made IKEA structure to rest for now.

Mere minutes later, a fragile crashing sound came from the table; and there it was, in RUÏNS, as though a gingerbread Thor had taken displeasure and struck down this gingerbread LØNGHÅUS with a gingerbread MJÖLLNIR (which, when he wants, can be so small as to fit inside a lunchbox). WÄLLS, RØØF and CHÏMNEY alike lay in pieces as the imaginary gingerbread VÏKÏNGS ran for their imaginary gingerbread LÏFES.

*sigh*

In short, tonight I dine on discombobulated WÄLLS and lemon icing MORTÄR.

Comments

The IKEA vikings

[nalurah.livejournal.com]

With over 10 IKEA's here in Holland you just can't escape from the wrath of the vikings. However your way of putting it was simply hilarious.
Recently I spend over a 1000 euro at the IKEA so I think those vikings brainwashed me. Thank god I didn't buy anything from gingerbread, haven't even heard of it actually. Sounds funny though, a house of gingerbread, useless but funny.
Anyway good luck with your next IKEA project and thanks for the laugh, work was already boring the hell out of me.

[goblinpaladin.livejournal.com]

Aw, I want some gingbread WÄLLS.

[active-apathy.livejournal.com]

They're quite nice, but the premature discombobulation saddens me.



(I use my icon of Her Serenity, for Ratatosk is mentioned below and I have hope for you getting that particular joke.)

[lilacsigil.livejournal.com]

This makes me want to nibble on my BØØKSHELF just to see if it's as tasty. (Also, gingerbread Thor is MIGHTY)

[active-apathy.livejournal.com]

It's probably high in FÏBRE, but I doubt it'd be terribly flavoursome.

[ryttu3k.livejournal.com]

You're clearly not as good with an allen key as I am. I AM A FLATPACK GODDESS. ALL SHALL LOVE ME AND DESPAIR.

[active-apathy.livejournal.com]

Gingerbread cannot be assembled with allen keys. Or, it seems, without.

[ryttu3k.livejournal.com]

I could manage it.

[liddle-oldman.livejournal.com]

Perhaps that's what went wrong! No allen wrenches!

[laurenmitchell.livejournal.com]

and now i ded of laugh

[active-apathy.livejournal.com]

Ohnoes! *revives?*

[saikogrrl.livejournal.com]

lolololol

[kayloulee.livejournal.com]

I've made gingerbread houses that worked - twice from vaguely awful kits, once from scratch.

They all got eaten by SQUIRRELS (probably encouraged by RATATOSK), because I don't like gingerbread that much to eat a whole house of it myself.

On reflection that above paragraph sounds really fucking strange; I was actually at my grandma's house just north of Toronto at the time, I didn't have a brace of squirrels shipped to me here.

[active-apathy.livejournal.com]

And yet, my mind leapt to a squirrely version of this.

[kittydesade.livejournal.com]

I covet your gingerbread WÄLLS and lemon icing MORTÄR. All I have are the last of the homemade chocolate chip cookies.

[active-apathy.livejournal.com]

Mmm, chocolate chips.

The WÄLLS and homemade MORTÄR come with that extra somewhat-amusing taste of not-quite-averted fail. Presumably the RØØF, too, but one can eat only so much of the gingery construction materials in any given day.

[kitsunefury.livejournal.com]

Nice freaking job I nearly laughed myself into trouble at work with that. <3

[active-apathy.livejournal.com]

Just near-trouble? I must be slipping. :D

[analise.livejournal.com]

You made me giggle, I have therefore metaquoted you. :)

[active-apathy.livejournal.com]

My work here is done. Or, at the very least, stable, and safe from the displeasure of the gods. :D

[analise.livejournal.com]

I don't know, Loki says he wants some of that gingerbread.

[active-apathy.livejournal.com]

No. No can has. Is mines.

Unless Loki can make the left side of my headphones work properly again, in which case I may consider it.

[kethlenda.livejournal.com]

Here via metaquotes. This is hilarious!

[mersipan.livejournal.com]

Well, I certainly found this full of LØL.

I don't know you but I came to ask if I might steal this icon with credit because it is awesome and full of win:

http://p-userpic.livejournal.com/68969925/4476536

The end.

[active-apathy.livejournal.com]

You can has icon. :)

[mersipan.livejournal.com]

Oh yay! :) Thanks and merry THIS SEASON!

[kdsorceress.livejournal.com]

Ahahahaha!

Oh Active Apathy, you're not allowed to stop posting for any amount of time ever. You write such gloriously hilarious pieces.

~Sor

[active-apathy.livejournal.com]

I'll try to fail at life a bit more often for everyone's amusement.

...including my own. :D




(Also: thirty_words? Or a different name, perhaps?)

[kdsorceress.livejournal.com]

As I said on twitter, you probably have the highest signal to noise ratio of everyone I know. You may be failing, but you write it up so gloriously that it totally is made up for.

I like thirty words a lot --the one I've been thinking of is lessthan31words (since for some reason 31 is stuck in my head) Thirty_words seems cleaner, though --should I go register it, before someone else does?

~Sor

[active-apathy.livejournal.com]

Does that count the days where I just post icons I've decided to make?

Mm, perhaps. It seems unlikely that anyone else will, but having a comm name all registered and everything tends to make you think "Hey! I made a comm! I should actually get to making things for that."

Also, I think all the comm rules should be exactly thirty words long.

[kdsorceress.livejournal.com]

Alright, a couple of thoughts then:

My basic idea for the community thus far is to post a theme or topic each week (mystery, porn, cookies, whatever), give people a week to work on their stories, and at the end of the week, post everything with the names removed, and let people vote on their favourites.

...Which may mean this needs to be a paid community. Ohwait, hangon, can't plus accounts do polls? Maybe that'll work.

At the beginning of the next week, the favoured work from the previous week is featured, and the new topic/theme is introduced. Sounds good yes/no?

~Sor

[wrestlingdog.livejournal.com]

Here from metaquotes, and I gotta say that this entry is a stunner. I needed that laugh.

I also love your Dr.Cox/Christmas icon.

Is it alright if I friend you?

[stagemanager.livejournal.com]

Here through MQ, although I should just friend you already and read you all regular-like.

Anyway, is that Dr. Horrible in the icon?