And, again, o.O

[active_apathy]

There's a range of substances available that, by chemistry weird and arcane, remove stains from carpet. Let us call them 'carpet stain removers'.

There's one in particular that I use. It comes in a resealable tin, and it takes the form of a suspicious-looking white powder that, bizarrely enough, removes stains from carpet. You pour a little of it on the stain, optionally rub it into the carpet a little, leave it for half an hour, and then you have at it with a vacuum.

I have no idea what it's made from; for all I know it's probably some alchemical compound made from the blood plasma of dragons by gnomish chemists operating out of a secret facility buried deep in the Carpathian foothills and powered by nargles on treadmills. Or it might just be a powdery mix of surfactants; you never know.

So, today, when I had a bottle of Jolt unmysteriously explode in my hand, my choice of arms to bear against the cluster of dark, caffeinated spots on the floor was this mystical, magical compound of cleaning (+2/+4 vs. wine), unleashing this potent substance upon the hapless stains.

I left it for the requisite thirty minutes, then came back to vacuum it off the carpet. For the most part, it came quietly, leaving only unstained carpet in its wake. In one spot, however, the white powder of floor covering cleanliness seemed to just spread out onto the surface of the carpet, leaving a patch that was noticeably brighter than the floor around it.

I went back and reread the label on the stain remover: no, not bleachy, and it'd certainly never done anything like that before, because if there's one thing you can rely on to do precisely what you want, it's the blood plasma of dragons charged with nargle-generated electricity and arcane science.

So emboldened, I went back to trying to vacuum this pale patch of flooring, assaulting it with partial decompression in a way unlikely to ever be memorialised in epic verse, when finally, it occured to me.



I was trying to vacuum up the light from my desk lamp.

Comments

[herekittykitty.livejournal.com]

Some club soda can normally take care of light stains.

[treelines.livejournal.com]

Shadows take care of the rest.

[active-apathy.livejournal.com]

Unfortunately, I don't have any, for much the same reason as I don't have any vodka left. So, it's just the combined powers of nargles and dragons for me.

[ryttu3k.livejournal.com]

*SNERK*

Good job XD

[deepfishy.livejournal.com]

Hee!

(has never ever mistaken shadows for stains, no not ever. *shifty eyes*)

[active-apathy.livejournal.com]

Happily, I'm pretty good with shadows. Maybe I just need to clean in darkness.

[deepfishy.livejournal.com]

Bartending Vacuuming. In the dark.

[palmer-kun.livejournal.com]

"So I can use any of these cleaning supplies?"

"Yup, anything in the cabinet."

"OK then, I cast... vacuum powder"

"Cast it where, there's no stain?"

"I'm... I'm vacuuming the darkness!"

[treelines.livejournal.com]

Hee, oh.

I once spent ten minutes looking for a pen I was holding in my hand. My theory is that when someone, somewhere in the world is doing something terrifically important, they borrow intelligence from the rest of us. So, while you tried to vacuum your light, perhaps someone was curing cancer?

[active-apathy.livejournal.com]

It's an interesting theory, but I'm pretty sure they just borrow all their intelligence from the people making decisions about important things.

[kdsorceress.livejournal.com]

You are an awesome story-teller. *gives cookies!*

I have done the "Where are my glasses/pen/whatever" thing SO MANY TIMES when I am holding the whatever in my hand. It is sad.

~Sor

[active-apathy.livejournal.com]

What's the point of minor, inconsequential misadventures if you can't tell the whole world about them? :D

[ataventure.livejournal.com]

*grin* Ah, thank you. You are the greatness.

[active-apathy.livejournal.com]

I have no more substantive response than ':D'.

So...

:D

[packbat.livejournal.com]

readers_list?

[active-apathy.livejournal.com]

If you'd like; it's a public entry (they're all public entries) and it's credited, and some of my posts end up much further afield than that. Google is surprising sometimes. Maybe I should post some kind of licency thingy somewhere...

Um... back to the point: you may, if you'd like to.

[packbat.livejournal.com]

Done!

(And you can post a license thing if you like - might be good if you want things shared around - but readers_list requires asking permission each time anyway.

[active-apathy.livejournal.com]

*reads the info*

Apparently so, and it's been well established that I aten't dead.

In theory, would it be possible to invent a general policy of specific permission?

[packbat.livejournal.com]

Mmm ... I think you'd have to ask alchemi, but I wouldn't think so.

Incidentally, hypothetical nomicide rules question: if you stated that you vote "Oppose" (for example) on the next five proposals, could you avoid penalties of absence?

[active-apathy.livejournal.com]

In theory, you could, since the rules don't say otherwise - but I'd rather not see it happen.

A better hack would be to sell votes to a proxy for something essentially meaningless, like a single point, or futures they won't collect on, or such.

[crazyinchaos.livejournal.com]

Ooo, I is eavesdropping... now I can take that extended leave of absence with no problem!

{Insert evil laughter here}

(Which, incidently, just sounds like me giggling...?)

You are a wonderfulz story teller.

[active-apathy.livejournal.com]

Your votes, let me purchase them...

[joee-girl.livejournal.com]

I'm here from readers_list.
You are awesome. You have made my morning :) Do you mind if I friend you?

[packbat.livejournal.com]

Uh, me? I don't mind, no.

[joee-girl.livejournal.com]

I meant the OP, but yeah, you as well, why not? :)

[packbat.livejournal.com]

Oh, ha! On the Internet, no-one knows who you're talking to, I guess. Friend me or not - I don't mind. :)

[jjjiii]

Ha ha, you fell for the cat trap.

[ethernight.livejournal.com]

Here from readers_list. Three things:

1. I really enjoyed your post!
2. Your elljay style is lovely. Did you make it yourself?
3. What is the name of this magical carpet stain remover of which you speak?

[active-apathy.livejournal.com]

1. Yay!
2. It's a modified fork of Flexible Squares; I should update it sometime, since a lot of my custom code does things that're now in by default. The background image (if you're using Firefox, IE7, Konqueror, Seamonkey, ... not using IE6) is modified from one in Gregory Maguire's Wicked: the Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West (though by 'modified', I mean the rest of the wing was drawn on in Photoshop).
3. Some have called it... Karpet.

[joee-girl.livejournal.com]

Oops, replied to the wrong comment.
Just in case you didn't already read it:

I'm here from readers_list.
You are awesome. You have made my morning :) Do you mind if I friend you?

[active-apathy.livejournal.com]

I read it, I just wanted to see what happened. :D

And go right ahead; all my entries are public, and I don't see the sense in making people read them the hard way.