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Welcome all, to my Secret Project. It should be fairly self-explanatory; this is a series of five-minute summaries of Firefly episodes. For my own sanity, the pilot episode has been split into halves based upon the script, and its six acts.
The five-minute figure is based on the average of your reading speeds, and works out to a 2500 word limit per instalment. But! this bit isn't what interests you. I can Tell.
We start off this episode in Serenity Valley, the best stretch of real estate in the 'verse. 'Course, it gets a bit hot at times, and the neighbours make a powerful racket, but once you're there you never leave.
Just so happens the neighbours are at it – seems they don't like each other much. One in particular's going for his morning run, and getting shot at with all kinds of unpleasantness. He trips, gets back up, and runs into a foxhole.
Clearly, this is one of the bad days.
He asks for an update, and vents about the crushing need for air support. Seems a good deal of death from above can resolve any neighbourhood dispute, and he wants his own – and tries to get it by giving the radio operator a quick promotion to lieutenant.
He and a comrade set out to do some minor property damage, and try to get an edge in the feud. Our soldier runs over to this huge gun while his friend tries to keep the neighbours off their backs. Right on cue, the enemy air support – a huge grey and green thing that looks like it shouldn't be flying – comes into view and promptly gets shot.
Our soldier is ecstatic, and barely restrains himself from the biggest happydance in the 'verse... but it never goes smooth. It's coming down, as this gorramn 'gravity' thing dictates – right toward his colleague. He shouts her name – Zoe – and then crash-tackles her safely out of the way of the skiff.
It explodes. He laughs. She eyerolls.
They get themselves back into the foxhole, and see about air support. Seems there ain't none coming – Alliance Developments, Inc. is landing high-density housing in the middle of the valley.
There goes the neighbourhood.
And now we're in space. This ship looks a bit beat-up; not enough to stop our soldier from burning a hole in the side of it with some sticky stuff. A slice of hull comes out, propelled by a puff of air. Looks to be it's not all broken.
Wash plays with dinosaursMeanwhile, in another ship, there's a large, semi-muscular man at a big desk, playing. He's playing with dinosaurs, one of which has an evil laugh, and re-enacting the discovery of This Land.
An alarm goes off – is playtime strictly rationed? No! Looks to be there's company – another huge apartment block, this time in the middle of space. Good views, but not a hell of a lot of atmosphere. And it's a gorramn long way to the shops, too.
The semi-muscular man – Wash, the captain calls him - tells his friends about this, and they turn the ship off. Bit of a problem for their mechanic, Kaylee – she's trapped up on a step, and can't get down. Long story short, they move the gear into the ship, set off a fake distress call, and bugger off.
Crew: 1. The 'Verse: 0
Our crew of daring types is gathered in a big room, around a big box. They crack it open, while Wash explains all about how he was flying the ship by accident. Mal has a look at the stuff in the box, which looks like metal bars of some description. Zoe asks if there's a problem; Mal looks at the stamp on the goods, lies through his teeth, and says there isn't.
Stamped shiny
They put the gear away in a secret compartment – because you know that every spaceship has secret compartments somewhere. Apparently, they've a notion to dabble some in the tourist trade. Something about 'respectability', probably useful after their last real estate venture.
Wash and Zoe wander off on their own, up to the bridge. They want a few days off; Zoe wants to bathe, Wash wants to watch Zoe bathe, and I can't say I blame either of them. Wash suggests telling Mal – apparently the captain's name – that they're taking a couple days of leave.
Wash says that Mal really likes being called 'sir'. Mal walks in, asks who likes what. Zoe says “Nothing, sir.” Wash grins proudly, and gives her a big thumbs up.
Look! Sex!
Someone new, on a comfy looking bed; someone else, on our someone new, makin' sure the bed's proper springy. And... they're done.
They dress, they clean up, all between shots. They're talking about her homeworld, which is apparently quite pretty. This is what happens when tenants look after a planet, 'stead of tossing explosives and stuff all over the place, I suppose.
Time passes; the whiny little boy seems to think she's got the clocks rigged to speed up. Inara – we get her name from Wash – sighs, toddles over to the controls for her shuttle, and takes off to go meet the ship.
The Eavesdown DocksAs it happens, the ship is on its way to land at the Eavesdown Docks, which look all nice and homey provided you're movin' in from Mos Eisley. The group split up; Kaylee to find passengers, Wash to get fuel, and the others to go have a meeting.
This meeting's in an office, with an unpleasant character called Badger. Badger's lookin' to put our captain on the defensive straight up – apparently the apartments put in a complaint about nearby looters, and Badger's very upset about it.
Badger and his Very Fine Hat™ send Mal and company on their merry way; on the way back to the ship, they have a bit of a talk. Jayne struggles to figure out ten percent of nothing, while Mal and Zoe talk all about how Patience shot him. Still, looks like they're off to make a sale.
In the meantime, Kaylee's arranged some passengers. One in particular has never married; he's a Shepherd, who's called Book. He likes the look of Serenity, pays his way on with a wooden box, and has a lovely little talk with Kaylee.
The other passengers arrive; one's pretty normal looking, the other's oddly well-dressed for this stretch of Persephone. Investment properties, perhaps? And he's got a really big box with him, too.
Mal and Zoe have a talk about the cargo. They arrange to shoot the passengers politely if they look at it a bit too close. Inara gets back, and they take off. The ship kicks up a cloud of dust that'll upset any neighbours who dared hang their washing out that day.
Mal gives the passengers a rousing welcome speech; talks about sit-down meals, and gives 'em the number for room service. He also explains that the passengers should stay in their rooms, the lounge, or the dining room – everything else is Off Limits. 'Course, there's no mention of polite shootings in this bit.
Mal tells Wash about the trip to Whitefall; Wash asks about the shooting. Mal wonders why everyone makes a fuss about the shooting.
But things downstairs are much more interesting. Inara comes in in a nice, pleasant dress, and Mal greets the 'ambassador'. Book takes this all literal-like; he's fuzzy on kneecaps, but not on political positions. Religiosity can be so very confusing. Mal explains her job in a pretty well tactless manner; Inara gives him a deathly pointed stare, and sets off for her shuttle.
Berrygasm!Next thing we know, we're in the kitchen. Kaylee opens the box. She looks in, and takes out a strawberry. She looks at it, smells it, smiles, slowly puts it in her mouth, bites, chews, and has her own little berrygasm.
The entire fandom remembers this scene forever.
We come back at dinnertime. Book silently says grace, and everyone eats what looks to be real food. The Shepherd provides; looks to be that God's delegating for a bit. They talk about how the Alliance has diverted the ship to make a stop on Whitefall; lying seems a bit of a habit for these folk, at times. The conversation progresses; apparently the rich guy's a doctor from a wealthy little rock called Osiris. The big dumb-looking guy makes a fairly crude comment; Jayne, as Mal calls him, is threatened with having his mouth sewn shut. Seems like a lovely thing to do. Jayne makes it two for two, and gets sent away.
The doctor asks what Jayne's job is, on the ship. Mal thinks for a moment, and answers:
Public relations.
Book and Inara have a lovely little conversation. They talk about Mal, our mysterious captain with his failed bid to get into property in lucrative areas. Book is fascinated with Mal; Inara, seemingly infatuated.
Meantime, Wash calls Mal up to the bridge. Apparently someone's called in an Alliance office block to intercept them. Mal legs it back to the hold to sort out the mole.
He approaches the doctor, checking on his big box. The doc turns, and looks at him. Mal decks him; seems to be that he's the mole. Mal accuses him at gunpoint; Book says that he's got the wrong man.
Both men turn. There's Mr Dobson, standing with a gun, being all unfriendly and impolite about things. Dobson has Mal drop the weapon; seems he wants to have the whole crew arrested. Mal and Book try to approach the gun-wielding fed and deal with him; the situation gets tense.
Kaylee enters, and asks what's going on. Mid-sentence, Dobson shoots her.
The doc's at her side before she even hits the ground. Book takes down Dobson in a way that no preacher should really be able to.
And there's a small gathering around Kaylee. Mal and the doctor argue; Mal wants to dump him with the Alliance, for indirectly getting Kaylee shot. Inara tells Mal to change course. Mal gets indignant about it, starts to speak, but his sentence is cut off by a scream from Kaylee.
Mal orders the course changed.
The doctor works well, and Mal – with his field experience – is an able assistant. Our purveyor of remedies removes the bullet, and closes up the wound.
River-inna-boxAnd Mal goes to see what's in the big box. The doctor tries to intervene; Jayne grabs him in the least friendly hug in the history of the 'Verse. They're seeing what's in that box, no matter what.
It opens. The box is cold; freezing. There's a girl in; Mal looks at her, looks at Simon, and says one of his most often-used lines.
“Huh.”
Mal starts on a little tirade, as the doctor tries to get free and have a look in the box. The girl lurches out, and screams; most like, it's shock and confusion. Mal is shocked; the doc runs over to her, holds her, tries to get her to look at him. He tells her – River, apparently – that he's there, that it's ok.
She looks at him, confused, and then recognition sets in. “Simon?” River whispers; and now we know his name. Mal asks what's going on. Simon says that River's his sister.
We go back up to the dining room. Everyone's there except River and Dobson, and Simon talks about River. He explains just how bright he is – and then explains that River makes him look like an idiot child. His speech is tense, terse, emotional; these things all rub off.
There's an argument; eight opinions, no real answers.
Simon follows Mal from the room. He makes the mistake of likening Mal to the Alliance, and Mal decks him again. Seems there's some sore competition in the real estate business.
A cosy chatJayne is left to interrogate Dobson; Dobson's a shattering disappointment on the interrogation front. Hardly worth the time or the sight of Jayne's knife, really.
Dobson thinks for a moment, and offers money. Jayne asks if it means selling out the captain.
Jayne thinks on the idea.
Mal sprints onto the bridge. Wash looks apprehensive; apparently there's a ship. A biggish ship, running in a plainly suicidal manner.
Mal looks; he thinks it's a Reaver ship, and says as much.
Mal stares; Act Three finishes with Wash watching the screen, talking softly
“Oh god... oh god, oh god, oh god.”
They must be bad tenants.
(of course)
The five-minute figure is based on the average of your reading speeds, and works out to a 2500 word limit per instalment. But! this bit isn't what interests you. I can Tell.
Teaser
We start off this episode in Serenity Valley, the best stretch of real estate in the 'verse. 'Course, it gets a bit hot at times, and the neighbours make a powerful racket, but once you're there you never leave.
Just so happens the neighbours are at it – seems they don't like each other much. One in particular's going for his morning run, and getting shot at with all kinds of unpleasantness. He trips, gets back up, and runs into a foxhole.
Clearly, this is one of the bad days.
He asks for an update, and vents about the crushing need for air support. Seems a good deal of death from above can resolve any neighbourhood dispute, and he wants his own – and tries to get it by giving the radio operator a quick promotion to lieutenant.
He and a comrade set out to do some minor property damage, and try to get an edge in the feud. Our soldier runs over to this huge gun while his friend tries to keep the neighbours off their backs. Right on cue, the enemy air support – a huge grey and green thing that looks like it shouldn't be flying – comes into view and promptly gets shot.
Our soldier is ecstatic, and barely restrains himself from the biggest happydance in the 'verse... but it never goes smooth. It's coming down, as this gorramn 'gravity' thing dictates – right toward his colleague. He shouts her name – Zoe – and then crash-tackles her safely out of the way of the skiff.
It explodes. He laughs. She eyerolls.
They get themselves back into the foxhole, and see about air support. Seems there ain't none coming – Alliance Developments, Inc. is landing high-density housing in the middle of the valley.
There goes the neighbourhood.
And now we're in space. This ship looks a bit beat-up; not enough to stop our soldier from burning a hole in the side of it with some sticky stuff. A slice of hull comes out, propelled by a puff of air. Looks to be it's not all broken.
Wash plays with dinosaurs
An alarm goes off – is playtime strictly rationed? No! Looks to be there's company – another huge apartment block, this time in the middle of space. Good views, but not a hell of a lot of atmosphere. And it's a gorramn long way to the shops, too.
The semi-muscular man – Wash, the captain calls him - tells his friends about this, and they turn the ship off. Bit of a problem for their mechanic, Kaylee – she's trapped up on a step, and can't get down. Long story short, they move the gear into the ship, set off a fake distress call, and bugger off.
Crew: 1. The 'Verse: 0
Act One
Our crew of daring types is gathered in a big room, around a big box. They crack it open, while Wash explains all about how he was flying the ship by accident. Mal has a look at the stuff in the box, which looks like metal bars of some description. Zoe asks if there's a problem; Mal looks at the stamp on the goods, lies through his teeth, and says there isn't.
Stamped shiny
They put the gear away in a secret compartment – because you know that every spaceship has secret compartments somewhere. Apparently, they've a notion to dabble some in the tourist trade. Something about 'respectability', probably useful after their last real estate venture.
Wash and Zoe wander off on their own, up to the bridge. They want a few days off; Zoe wants to bathe, Wash wants to watch Zoe bathe, and I can't say I blame either of them. Wash suggests telling Mal – apparently the captain's name – that they're taking a couple days of leave.
Wash says that Mal really likes being called 'sir'. Mal walks in, asks who likes what. Zoe says “Nothing, sir.” Wash grins proudly, and gives her a big thumbs up.
Look! Sex!
Someone new, on a comfy looking bed; someone else, on our someone new, makin' sure the bed's proper springy. And... they're done.
They dress, they clean up, all between shots. They're talking about her homeworld, which is apparently quite pretty. This is what happens when tenants look after a planet, 'stead of tossing explosives and stuff all over the place, I suppose.
Time passes; the whiny little boy seems to think she's got the clocks rigged to speed up. Inara – we get her name from Wash – sighs, toddles over to the controls for her shuttle, and takes off to go meet the ship.
The Eavesdown Docks
This meeting's in an office, with an unpleasant character called Badger. Badger's lookin' to put our captain on the defensive straight up – apparently the apartments put in a complaint about nearby looters, and Badger's very upset about it.
Badger and his Very Fine Hat™ send Mal and company on their merry way; on the way back to the ship, they have a bit of a talk. Jayne struggles to figure out ten percent of nothing, while Mal and Zoe talk all about how Patience shot him. Still, looks like they're off to make a sale.
In the meantime, Kaylee's arranged some passengers. One in particular has never married; he's a Shepherd, who's called Book. He likes the look of Serenity, pays his way on with a wooden box, and has a lovely little talk with Kaylee.
The other passengers arrive; one's pretty normal looking, the other's oddly well-dressed for this stretch of Persephone. Investment properties, perhaps? And he's got a really big box with him, too.
Mal and Zoe have a talk about the cargo. They arrange to shoot the passengers politely if they look at it a bit too close. Inara gets back, and they take off. The ship kicks up a cloud of dust that'll upset any neighbours who dared hang their washing out that day.
Act Two
Mal gives the passengers a rousing welcome speech; talks about sit-down meals, and gives 'em the number for room service. He also explains that the passengers should stay in their rooms, the lounge, or the dining room – everything else is Off Limits. 'Course, there's no mention of polite shootings in this bit.
Mal tells Wash about the trip to Whitefall; Wash asks about the shooting. Mal wonders why everyone makes a fuss about the shooting.
But things downstairs are much more interesting. Inara comes in in a nice, pleasant dress, and Mal greets the 'ambassador'. Book takes this all literal-like; he's fuzzy on kneecaps, but not on political positions. Religiosity can be so very confusing. Mal explains her job in a pretty well tactless manner; Inara gives him a deathly pointed stare, and sets off for her shuttle.
Berrygasm!
The entire fandom remembers this scene forever.
We come back at dinnertime. Book silently says grace, and everyone eats what looks to be real food. The Shepherd provides; looks to be that God's delegating for a bit. They talk about how the Alliance has diverted the ship to make a stop on Whitefall; lying seems a bit of a habit for these folk, at times. The conversation progresses; apparently the rich guy's a doctor from a wealthy little rock called Osiris. The big dumb-looking guy makes a fairly crude comment; Jayne, as Mal calls him, is threatened with having his mouth sewn shut. Seems like a lovely thing to do. Jayne makes it two for two, and gets sent away.
The doctor asks what Jayne's job is, on the ship. Mal thinks for a moment, and answers:
Public relations.
Book and Inara have a lovely little conversation. They talk about Mal, our mysterious captain with his failed bid to get into property in lucrative areas. Book is fascinated with Mal; Inara, seemingly infatuated.
Meantime, Wash calls Mal up to the bridge. Apparently someone's called in an Alliance office block to intercept them. Mal legs it back to the hold to sort out the mole.
He approaches the doctor, checking on his big box. The doc turns, and looks at him. Mal decks him; seems to be that he's the mole. Mal accuses him at gunpoint; Book says that he's got the wrong man.
Both men turn. There's Mr Dobson, standing with a gun, being all unfriendly and impolite about things. Dobson has Mal drop the weapon; seems he wants to have the whole crew arrested. Mal and Book try to approach the gun-wielding fed and deal with him; the situation gets tense.
Kaylee enters, and asks what's going on. Mid-sentence, Dobson shoots her.
The doc's at her side before she even hits the ground. Book takes down Dobson in a way that no preacher should really be able to.
And there's a small gathering around Kaylee. Mal and the doctor argue; Mal wants to dump him with the Alliance, for indirectly getting Kaylee shot. Inara tells Mal to change course. Mal gets indignant about it, starts to speak, but his sentence is cut off by a scream from Kaylee.
Mal orders the course changed.
The doctor works well, and Mal – with his field experience – is an able assistant. Our purveyor of remedies removes the bullet, and closes up the wound.
River-inna-box
It opens. The box is cold; freezing. There's a girl in; Mal looks at her, looks at Simon, and says one of his most often-used lines.
“Huh.”
Act Three
Mal starts on a little tirade, as the doctor tries to get free and have a look in the box. The girl lurches out, and screams; most like, it's shock and confusion. Mal is shocked; the doc runs over to her, holds her, tries to get her to look at him. He tells her – River, apparently – that he's there, that it's ok.
She looks at him, confused, and then recognition sets in. “Simon?” River whispers; and now we know his name. Mal asks what's going on. Simon says that River's his sister.
We go back up to the dining room. Everyone's there except River and Dobson, and Simon talks about River. He explains just how bright he is – and then explains that River makes him look like an idiot child. His speech is tense, terse, emotional; these things all rub off.
There's an argument; eight opinions, no real answers.
Simon follows Mal from the room. He makes the mistake of likening Mal to the Alliance, and Mal decks him again. Seems there's some sore competition in the real estate business.
A cosy chat
Dobson thinks for a moment, and offers money. Jayne asks if it means selling out the captain.
Jayne thinks on the idea.
Mal sprints onto the bridge. Wash looks apprehensive; apparently there's a ship. A biggish ship, running in a plainly suicidal manner.
Mal looks; he thinks it's a Reaver ship, and says as much.
Mal stares; Act Three finishes with Wash watching the screen, talking softly
“Oh god... oh god, oh god, oh god.”
They must be bad tenants.
--To Be Continued--
(of course)
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2005-09-03 11:45 am (UTC)But it's a cozy chat, with a z.
no subject
Date: 2005-09-03 05:48 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-03 06:41 pm (UTC)As a Canadian living in the US, I fully understand about linguistic differences. I'm on the wrong end of most of them here. *rueful*
no subject
Date: 2005-09-04 03:17 am (UTC)Basically, if it's a word where you can choose between 's' and 'z', Aussies use 's'. Hence us having the word ending '-ise' instead of '-ize', etc.
Although, I am a huge language/grammar nut, so I tend to pick up on these things.
no subject
Date: 2005-09-03 07:23 pm (UTC)Australian English says it's an 's', and my copy of OpenOffice.org liked it (it's set to UK English).
no subject
Date: 2005-09-03 09:14 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-04 06:10 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-03 05:51 pm (UTC)Now I don't have to spend money to get the DVDs, right?
no subject
Date: 2005-09-03 07:27 pm (UTC)You do still have to, but the September 29 deadline is off.
no subject
Date: 2005-09-04 03:18 am (UTC)spend on DVDs and booksput away in the bank like a good little Lauren.no subject
Date: 2005-09-04 06:13 am (UTC)This is where we're different. My digital camera plans are $1800-2000ish, to buy one that'll last forever and do everything I could ever want a digital still camera to do.
no subject
Date: 2005-09-04 05:37 am (UTC)If I wasn't already obsessed, I'd say you'd have the start of a Dana-obsession here.
no subject
Date: 2005-09-04 06:14 am (UTC)You can obsess any time you like.
no subject
Date: 2005-09-04 09:27 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-04 09:29 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-04 09:40 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-04 09:44 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-08 11:38 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-09 02:15 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-09 08:29 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-09 08:37 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-04 12:03 pm (UTC)I don't think anyone would hang out their washing at that part of
Mos EisleyEavesdown Docks. The "good dog"s however probably just got a little bit more...tasty.The berrygasm scene was meant to be remembered forever. But that's one of the lovely things about Firefly---so many little sequences like that are meant to be...
no subject
Date: 2005-09-04 03:34 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-04 06:02 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-04 06:01 pm (UTC)Some of the Eavesdown shots show washing hanging everywhere. And eleventy billion Blue Sun logos.