Somnambulant perambulation: just when you thought semirhyme wasn't to be taken internally

[active_apathy]

Let me start the somnambulant perambulation of the day with a keen and sightful observation: many people seem to lack adequate and appropriate understanding of bipedal locomotion.

But first, an aside. Didn't I just post yesterday? What's this? Who am I, and what have I done with the real me?

This is me deciding that there'll be at least one entry a day, on me-things. This may, at times, stretch my experience in making mundane and boring things sound interesting, but it also means that it'll keep me in the habit of posting entries on days where I can get myself to a keyboard. It should also bring much-needed focus to assorted other projects and goings-on, which is never a bad thing.

And with that, the aside shuffled helpfully... um... aside.

Bipedal locomotion is, in a practical sense, tricky to organise. Falling over is much, much easier - but then, most people get to practice it every. day. Even small children incapable of forming sentences beyond "Goo ga bah gooblythbbbt" have a miraculous talent for figuring out bipedal locomotion all by themselves.

Clearly, some people need to be taken somewhere to learn to walk.

It's an odd and interesting phenomenon that, when walking and reading a book - a task the monumental complexity of which is equivalent to walking while chewing gum - these people in need of remedial walking classes take it upon themselves to do their very best to try to walk through you. Or, failing that, to push small children in large offroad contraptions (combining all the features of a stroller, a suitcase, a tea trolley, a bar fridge, a small hotel room and a road train) about to form impromptu barricades for any and every thoroughfare in sight.

Of course, my perception here could be slightly skewed - they may just seem worse, because when walking and reading, there's something to be distracted from - in this case, Neil Gaiman's elucidation on the relationship between Anansi and Tiger. The people got their wish, anyway - my reading stopped temporarily owing to the need to carry newly-purchased Nintendo DS screen protectors and a copy of Moving Pictures.

Pterry's Moving Pictures, that is; the Australian band by the same name is entirely and permanently off my purchasing list.

In conclusion,

Dear users of shared spaces,

please do try to be mindful of the fact that shared space is, in fact, shared. Not sharing spaces which are supposed to be shared is unpleasant, and makes unhappy those with whom you should, by rights, be sharing the allegedly shared space.

Failure to share shared or shareable spaces with those who are trying to peaceably and politely share shared and shareable spaces with you may result in my undertaking to sell shares to raise capital for a company to build a robot we can all share to beat you about the head with Dan Brown.

In the spirit of sharing,
active_apathy

Comments

[maggiebloome.livejournal.com]

Somebody send me a memo when this gets metaquoted.

[riverchild.livejournal.com]

What is it with Dan Brown these days? I probably shouldn't take it personally, but I just broke up with him yesterday and he's been turning up all over my friends page since!

For the record, I think dear ol' Dan is far to lightweight (in many senses of the word) to be any use in beating people about the head--they'd never notice!

I do heartily approve of the intended increase in your updateyness. Updateity? Updateificiency? You know.

[active-apathy.livejournal.com]

I think it was your entry that made me pick him. Threats of violence using bad authors is a bit of a theme for me; previous selections include Robert Jordan, Terry Goodkind and Anne Rice.

The fact that it's a plan shows that I also approve of it. If it helps, I think the best pseudoword for it is updateyness.

[deepfishy.livejournal.com]

Dan Brown

You're starting a book club? What, are you trying to torture me?

[active-apathy.livejournal.com]

He's strictly for use as a weapon. Murphy would be a better author.

[deepfishy.livejournal.com]

Fair enough. He's light enough that one blow to the head is unlikely to incapacitate, but if you multiply that by the number of spawn copies printed...

[eighthcloud.livejournal.com]

This is me deciding that there'll be at least one entry a day, on me-things.

Good! I mean, I do get to talk to you daily, but this helps.

I mean, it's like pulling teeth to get everyday information out of you.

I mean... no, yes. That's what I mean.

[active-apathy.livejournal.com]

They cloned Dan Brown? Copies of his books are bad enough.

[caprinus.livejournal.com]

Maybe they are all, in fact, MySpace users! *maytheirnamesbecurseduntotheseventhgeneration*

[active-apathy.livejournal.com]

And I thought Lovecraft wrote horror. Silly me. :)

[leila82.livejournal.com]

Hooray two updates in a row!

Dan Brown? I think he might not be quite useful as a bludgeoning device thingy.

[active-apathy.livejournal.com]

If he gets too broken, we'll start using Robert Jordan.

[laurenmitchell.livejournal.com]

Can you use Anne Rice first please? I want Jordan alive until he finishes the Wheel of Time series, 'cause I'm masochistic like that.

[salzara-tirwen.livejournal.com]

Anne Rice second. Mercedes Lackey first.

[active-apathy.livejournal.com]

Jordan, alive, until he finishes the Wheel of Time series?

Mortals, by definition, do not live that long.

[active-apathy.livejournal.com]

I've only read one of Lackey's Books, which seems to have been her First Novel. You can Tell, I think, from the Random Capitalisation and the Sueish Tendencies of certain characters.

I've heard rumours that her writing grows up in later books. One can only hope.

[shaysdays.livejournal.com]

I disagree- renewed updateosity is the way to go.

[shaysdays.livejournal.com]

No, but there is a certain comfort to thw cyclical nature of:

Poor orphan/misunderstood kid/self-absorbed fop/fey gay guy

Is rescued from a bad but partially self-made situation by:

a magical horse/mystical pseudo-Native Americans/instant and perfect best friend/finding another gay guy for buttsex

and has to face:

The demons of their past/a nefarious plot only they can uncover/ a bad bad wizard/possible losing of the buttsex

And triumphs when they use everyone's special talents to triumph over adversity. Unless it's the gay guys. They triumph then their lover dies. (Lesbians don't exist except as stock warrior characters.)

Like I said, it's comforting, like light weight, low rep for the brain.. good for light toning and socializing, but not much else.

[active-apathy.livejournal.com]

My reading was that lesbians exist as a plot device and to look in-kloo-syve.

I'm trying to decide whether or not you're entirely serious about the gay guys. And trying not to imagine her writing buttsex. Especially when it comes to the random capitalisation.

[shaysdays.livejournal.com]

Well, mostly implied buttsex.

"Stormwind folded Firesong into his arms and smiled wickedly, "So, if you're done restoring heat to the Vale, how about I warm you up in my ekele?" *end chapter*

However, there were one or two scenes that involved actual depicted nakedness and eyes growing wider looking at it. Nothing hot and heavy, really, it's decaf porn.

[active-apathy.livejournal.com]

Then I shall endeavour to strategically restructure journallifying in order to promote renewed, invigorated and improved updateosity. In short, don't worry about updateosity. Let me worry about updateosity.

[active-apathy.livejournal.com]

Um... decaf? It looks more like synthetic porn flavouring, to me.

[shaysdays.livejournal.com]

Eh, I was raised on early Harlequin novels... anything better than, "He took Diana into his arms and carried her towards the stairs." is good by me.

Not even up the stairs... towards them. Maybe they would make tea on the way, who knows? Perhaps he just wanted to show Diana the weird bump in the carpet. I read that passage when I was 13 and even then I knew it was the dumbest euphemism ever written.

[active-apathy.livejournal.com]

One of the menfolk in my 4-unit English class in school spent half of every class going through the early Harlequin novels, reading them in an outragously suggestive and horridly funny voice.

He then made up a fictional Harlequin fan, and sent a pretend-letter to them. They sent a reply, which was framed and hung proudly on the classroom door for the next seven months.

[shaysdays.livejournal.com]

I think that's actually a major plot point in an Elizabeth Peters novel... a much better writer.

[laurenmitchell.livejournal.com]

Having not read Mercedes Lackey and only suffered through one Anne Rice book, go ahead.

[laurenmitchell.livejournal.com]

He's only doing another three or four books, I think.

[active-apathy.livejournal.com]

I see. In related news, did you read the piece about Garth Nix's new epic fantasy series? :)

[active-apathy.livejournal.com]

I'm given to doubting the necessity of such memoranda. :)

[salzara-tirwen.livejournal.com]

Sort of... then it devolves again.

"The Fire Rose" is good.

In some of the later Valdemar books (the Alberich ones) she Sues herself into it. I mean there is a Herald-Chronicler with glasses who is named Myste (Lackey's nickname is Misty). I posted about that on my lj a while ago. I think it was under the books tag.

[laurenmitchell.livejournal.com]

Is that the Seventh Tower series (or whatever it's called)? I think I have heard of it. Did you know that Sir Thursday's coming out in March?

[active-apathy.livejournal.com]

No, no. I mean the thing about his new really epic fantasy series. It's in Across the Wall, and it's quite funny.

March? Squeeee!

[laurenmitchell.livejournal.com]

Oh, that new really epic fantasy series. You know, if you want a writing challenge, why not do book extracts from the sort of book that might be in that series?