More Memespam

[active_apathy]

Today we have ardath_rekha's list of OMG Gawth traits. For the sake of the test, I'll be taking this test as though the year is 1999 and I'm pretending to study for teh HSC of Doooom (and pretending to write my novella for 4-unit English).

Comments in parentheses (like so) are from the original text. Comments in [square brackets] are mine. The images may be found here.

Listed below are some warning signs to indicate if your child may have gone astray from the Lord. Gothic (or goth) is a very obscure and often dangerous culture that young teenagers are prone to participating in. The gothic culture leads young, susceptible minds into an imagined world of evil, darkness, and violence. Please seek immediate attention through counselling, prayer, and parental guidance to rid your child of Satan's temptations if five or more of the following are applicable to your child.

1. Frequently wears black clothing.
2. Wears band and/or rock t-shirts. [This sounds like rock and/or roll]
   
3. Wears excessive black eye makeup,lipstick or nail polish.
4. Wears any odd silver jewelry or symbols.
5. Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos.
6. Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of music. (Marilyn Manson claims to be the anti-Christ, and publicly speaks against the Lord. Please discard any such albums IMMEDIATELY.) [Classical music is a bit antisocial at times. Does it count too?]
   
7. Associates with other people that dress, act or speak eccentrically. [Did I mention 4-unit English yet?]
   
8. Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the Bible, prayer, church or sports.
9. Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic, the occult, witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan.
   
10. Takes drugs.
11. Drinks alcohol.
    
12. Is suicidal and/or depressed.
    
13. Cuts, burns or partakes in any other method of self-mutilation.(This is a Satanic ritual that uses pain to detract from the light of God and His love. Please seek immediate attention for this at your local mental health center.)
14. Complains of boredom. [Bored now.]
    
15. Sleeps too excessively or too little.
16. Is excessively awake during the night.
    
17. Demands an unusual amount of privacy.
18. Spends large amounts of time alone.
19. Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your chid may speak to evil sprits through meditation.) [Evil spirits? like Midnight Hobo?]
    
20. Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult.
    
21. Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and elders are but a few examples of this.
    
22. Misbehaves at school.
23. Misbehaves at home.
24. Eats excessively or too little. [Believe it or not, both.]
    
25. Eats goth-related foods. Count Dracula cereal is an example of this.
26. Drinks blood or expresses an interest in drinking blood. (Vampires believe this is how to attain Satan. This act is very dangerous and should be stopped immediately.) [That said, I quite enjoy donating blood, even to this day.]
    
27. Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that your child may watch.) [Especially since a goodly bit of Australian free-to-air TV is US cable shows]
    
28. Plays videos games that contains violence or role-playing nature.
    
29. Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer.
30. Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music.
31. Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner.
32. Expresses an interest in sex.
    
33. Masturbates.
34. Is homosexual and/or bisexual.
35. Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism, Scientology, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism. [The fundies pursue them too, but for different reasons.]
    
36. Wears pins, stickers or anything else that contains these various phrases: "I'm so gothic, I'm dead", "woe is me", "I'm a goth".
37. Claims to be a goth.
    

If five or more of these apply to your child, please intervene immediately. The gothic culture is dangerous and Satan thrives within it. If any of these problems persist, enlist your child into your local mental health center.

Final score? 31/37. Yay me!

Comments

[theshadowlurker.livejournal.com]

This is so that your chid may speak to evil sprits through meditation.

Really? I didn't know this. All this time I thought I just thought I had a headache, but it turns out I'm speaking to evil spirits. Huh.

Then again, headaches are myths.

[active-apathy.livejournal.com]

Unfortunately, I had a bit of a falling-out with my evil spirits. I ended up having to talk them into mediation, which they weren't terribly fond of but which helped sort their problems out in the end, so now they're happy and productive members of supernatural society and not particularly evil anymore.

And now my once-evil spirits ask for time alone and quietness, so they can speak to me through meditation.

[theshadowlurker.livejournal.com]

... Well that's no fun. If I have to speak to spirits, they might as well be evil ones.